"War at the Local Wal-Mart, Pt. 1" by CyberPyro

	I stepped off of the bus in front of my apartment complex at 11am,
looked around, and yawned.  I'd been up since 3am for one of TRES Corps'
special late night/early morning meetings.  I walked to the gate of my 
apartment building, opened it, and started walking across the courtyard to my
building.
	Half way across the court yard, I stopped, looked up, and smiled.  
It's a bright, crisp, clear morning in September.  As I neared my building my
thoughts turned to David, my boyfriend, cacooned in our sheets, snoozing
lightly as he always sleeps in on Saturday afternoons.
	At the building's door, I quietly ascended the stairs, opened the 
door, and entered the apartment.  I stopped at the hall closet, opened the 
false back, and unloaded the contents of my backpack and travel case.  The 
plasma rifle with incinderary grenade launcher was hung in its customary place 
beside the TRES Corps field armor, ClayMoore sword, and assorted gear.  I 
closed the false back, hung my back pack up, and kicked off my shoes.
	"Mmmm...Unhealthy Snacks[tm] time," I thought aloud as I padded 
off to the kitchen.  My search turned up a few Oreo Triple Stuffs and milk.  :-
9  As the milk poured into the glass, I frowned, my enhanced senses detecting 
spoilt milk at arm's length.
	"Damn, trip to the grocery store," I said, pouring the milk down 
the drain.  The sink could use a cleaning, I noticed, as I turned the water 
off. A quick search under the sink revealed an empty cleanser container, a 
worn out scouring pad, and some watered down dish soap.
	"*Sigh*  We really do have to go now." I muttered as I walked off 
towards the bedroom that I shared with David, past my roommates' chambers.  
I opened the door, slipped inside, saw David still sleeping and gently 
shut the door.
	"Hi sweety," he said, rolling over and smiling as I clambered into 
bed.	"Sorry to wake you up."
	"'s kewl...I was already waking up"
	"Good, I know how you like to sleep in..." I said as we embraced 
each other.
	"Mmmm...so what have you been up to?  Sleeping with another guy?" 
he asked, a smile curling his mouth.
	"Yeah, my study group's really a sex club, and you can't join."
	"I'm disappointed.  So what's up for today?"
	"Well, we're out of milk and some other things.  Guess I have to 
make a trip to the Wal-Mart..."
	"Cool!  I'll come along; I need to buy something too," David said 
as he climbed out of bed.
	"OK.  I'll play DOOM ][ while you shower and get ready."

... (a little while later)

	After a couple of levels of DOOM, we departed our apartment 
dressed for end-of-summer weather -- jeans shorts, t-shirts, and baseball caps.  
I took my backpack (minus the plasma rifle) with my checkbook and some 
miscellaneous items in it.  As it was a good day for walking, we decided to skip 
the university provided busses, and walk across Oxford through the "townie" 
section to get to Wal-Mart.
	We walked for a few blocks westward until I made a disgusted 
noise.
	"What?" asked David.
	"Look at that garishly yellow house with the green trim."
	"Oh, *ick*"
	"Yeah, either someone lost a serious bet, or they're color blind," 
I said, a slight tingling sensation starting at the back of my mind.  "I 
don't _remember_ this house being this color before..."
	"Let's go," David say, walking westwards again.  I followed a 
second later, a small internal argument started in my head.

[Paranoid Voice:] 'Those colors are just like B'Hii J'hae's!  The Hell 
Wyrm's companion!'

[Authoritative Voice:] 'Don't be paranoid; this is a college town and 
people do things in bad taste on a daily basis.  I'm sure college 
students live there and decided to annoy their neighbors.'

The debate ended here, and we walked onwards.  Another block and half 
went by before we stopped again, this time, David's sense of aethetics 
thouroughly offended. "_Gross_!  Look at that guy's Chevy Cavalier,' he said.  
He was right, the shade of green was truely appalling, and the purple stripes 
didn't do much much for it besides insure someone would want to scrape them off 
the side with a sharp object.
	"Oh?  Now you're going to be offended Mr. Aesthete?," I said, 
grinning slightly.
	"Touche."
	"You're right though...it is disgusting."

[Paranoid Voice:]  'Just like the colors of B'Habii B'Hopp!'

[Authoritative Voice:]  'Whatever.  I don't know why I ever put up with 
you. Honestly, you're far too paranoid for your own good...'

[Paranoid Voice:]  'Two occurances in as many blocks?  I'm being 
paranoid?!?'

[Authoritative Voice:]  'Hmmm....you do have a point.'

	We rounded a corner, heading north now, and almost slammed into a 
house wife standing in the middle of the sidewalk, holding out a fresh plate 
of granola cookies.  She stood there, in an immaculately pressed dress, and 
perfectly starched apron.  The house wife grinned at as, a smile big enough 
to put the Cheshire Cat to shame.
	"Would you two young men like some yummy granola cookies?" she 
asked, the smile on her face never faltering.
	"Why....no thank you," I uttered as the hair on the back of my 
neck stood up.  "We haven't had lunch yet and don't want to spoil our 
appetites." David gave me a side-long look of confusion, but stayed quiet.
	"Oh!  I see!" said the house wife, her face drawing into an 
exaggerated expression of sweet concern. "We wouldn't want you to ruin your 
nice, nutritous lunch with sugery snacks, now would we?  Well, run along now!  
You can come back anytime for snacks though..."
	David started to move from my pulling on his sleeve with a look of 
confusion on his face.  "Townies are *never* this friendly to Miami 
students..." he observed after we out of ear shot.
	"I know..." I said as my paranoia alarms threatened to drown out 
his conversation.  Since David was a non-Jihaddi, he had no knowledge of the 
Hell Wyrm's true evil and powers.  He, like the majority of our population, 
found it to be an annoying plush toy sold in stores everywhere.  Consequently, 
he couldn't understand, when he noticed, why I was getting nervous from all 
the signs of spongin.
	We walked a few more blocks in uneasy silence and encountered a 
large group of children playing on someone's from lawn.  They were remarkably 
sedate for children of their age...too sedate even.
	"What's wrong?"
	"Huh?  Oh, nothing...could we walk a little quicker?" I said, 
scanning the lower and upper EM bands with my cybernetically enhanced eyes for 
B'Harnii energy patterns.  Nothing.  Hmmmmm....  "I forgot I have to meet 
someone later today, so that cuts down on my time."
	"OK, no problem." he said as we more further through the 
neighborhood towards our destination.  As the distance towards Wal-Mart dwindled 
I noticed an increase in bright colors...green, yellow, purple, orange, and red.  
My nerves were getting taught; this can't be good.  I stopped suddenly, a 
slow chill running down my spine.
	"You alright?" asked David.
	"Yeah, I'm fine.  I just get cold chills every now and again."  I
strained to hear what I thought was the B'Harnii theme song.  It's gone 
whatever it was.
	"Uh-huh."
	"Seriously, let's go" I said as I continued walking.  David 
shrugged his shoulders and walked after me.  The bright colors ceased, all 
together, Oxford returning to normal shades of life as the Wal-Mart appeared on 
the horizon.
	"Glad to see you finally relaxed," said David.
	"What?"
	"Your shoulders shift slightly when you're nervous."
	"Oh.  Thanks for noticing..." I said sheepishly, forgetting that 
lovers notice little things that no one else does.  "Well, let's get what we 
need and get back home."
	As we broke through the final pieces of suburbia, the mass acreage 
of the Wal-Mart mega-complex came into view.  Acres of cars ringed around 
this model factory of consumerism greeted our eyes as we headed for the main
entrance.
	A clerk greeted us with a friendly manner, his semi-vacant stare
indicating his cheer was rather manufactured.  As we passed him, I 
smiled, seeing a large fiberglass statue of Grimace standing next to a replica 
of Ronald Mc Donald sitting on a bench outside of a Mc D's built into the 
store.
	"Sir?  You need to check your backpack in at the desk," asserted 
the clerk.
	"Oh.  OK," I muttered making my way to the service desk.  A shiver 
ran down my spine, my paranoia alarm coming back louder than before, as I 
saw a wall of 1-calorie, fat-free, vitamin-enriched devil's food cookie boxes
stacked to the ceiling.  All for $1 a box.

[Paranoid Voice:]  'Cheap sponge minion food!!'

[Authoritative Voice:]  'Uummmm....'

	"Can I help you?" inquired a cheery clerk as I rumedged through my 
backpack, grabbed a few essential items, and handed it over without a word.  
My stomach was getting acidic in its pit, a sign of mounting paranoia on my 
part.
	We wandered off into the merchandise jungle, or 'sales floor' as 
the management people call it.  After passing through several canyons of 
paraphenalia, we located all of our items.  Since we were near the toy section, 
I made a suggestion to check it out before leaving.
	"Hmmm...I suppose," said David with that smile I'd come to love.
	We walked down the first isle looking at the standard type toys --
- toy swords, bows & arrows, Transformers[tm], etc.  Turning down the second 
isle, my heart skipped a couple of beats -- there, sitting on shelves stacked 
up to the ceiling were *thousands* of replicas of the Hell Wyrm, B'Habii 
B'Hopp, and B'Hii J'haa.

[Paranoid Voice:]  'IT'S A TRAP!!!'

[Authoritative Voice:]  'Calm down!  We'll pay for our stuff and come 
back with plasma rifles later, if need be.'

	"Let's get out of here," I said, pulling David along by the elbow 
with me as I made a straight line for the cash registers.
	"Alright, alright!" he said, shaking his elbow free and following 
after me as I picked up my pace to cross the 2.1 acres between the toy section 
and the registers.  As we came within 30 feet of the nearest register of the 
six that were open, the PA system made an unholy, loud crackling noise.
	" o/~ I love you!  You love me! ...  o/~," sang the sickly sweet 
voice of the store manager.  I struggled not to loose my lunch as he sang on.
"Please, feel welcome my Jihaddi friends!!  This is the last day that 
you will annoy His Purple Majesty by breathing!  *giggle*  Kill them."

[Authoritative Voice:]  'It's a trap.'

[Paranoid Voice:]  'Do you listen to me?!?! Nooooooo....'

	"WHAT THE HELL?!?!" yelled David as all six of the cashiers drew a 
variety of axes, swords & knives, jumped over their counters, and rushed 
towards us intent on killing.  Worse, they kept singing the B'Harnii theme song 
in unison as they advanced on us.  My right hand dove into my pocket, found 
the JihadLinker[tm] and hit the emergency button, sending requests for 
assistance to all Jihaddi in the area.
	As my mind slipped into combat mode, I stepped forward to meet the 
oncoming sponges, conscious that David had zero combat skills.  The first 
sponge to attack was a tall, lanky one wielding a hand axe.  He swung the axe 
in a low, deadly arc with his right hand.  As the blade sliced the air in 
front of me, I stepped forward and to my left, striking in a blur with my right 
hand.
	The heel of my hand impacted right at the base of the sponge's 
nose.  A wet and crunching noise issued from the its head as cartlidge and bone 
collapsed, fragments stabbing upwards into its brain. [sic]  A bright stream 
of red shot upwards in the air, its first drops landing in a bin of pillows 
split seconds before the sponge's useless carcass hit the waxed floor.
	Two college aged sponges charged at the same time, both wielding 
short swords.  The first to reach me stabbed low, trying to gut me, and over 
extended its reach.  My left hand flashed out, fingers seizing the sponge's 
right hand immediately behind the thumb, and asserted control by twisting 
outwards. The sponge's arm bent outwards, the joints forced in their opposite 
direction of motion, and the sword clattered harmlessly to the floor.
	The sponge drew a strangled, partial breath as my right fist 
impacted hard on its adam's apple.  It staggered backwards, stunned, crashing 
into its charging companion.  I took advantage of the brief delay, stooped down, 
and grabbed both the short sword and the hand axe.
	The second college-aged sponge, eager for the kill, shoved its 
fellow aside, sending him crashing into a display rack of healthy, nutritious
snacks.  The collision brought the entire display down, scattering 
scores of boxes of Healthy Snacks[tm - Hell Wyrm] all over the floor.
	The eager sponge attacked by bringing its sword down from a high 
arc. My sword met it in mid arc, sparks flying, as our swords locked.  My 
enemy's eyes told me he realized his mistake a split second before my free hand 
buried the axe in the crook of his arm, cleaving flesh, muscle, viens, and 
arteries before finally notching into his bone.
	I pulled my sword away from his, the parrey completely forgotten 
as the sponge howled in agony.  Its screaming stopped suddenly, blood spurting 
from its mouth in the place of breath, as my short sword stabbed completely 
through its abdomen just above the right hip and made a merciless, upwardly 
diagonal rip through to its left side.
	The sponge slid off of my blade as I closed on the other one, now 
trying to get out of the display rack.  A motion on my right caused me move 
sharply to the left as a sponge lunged out from behind another display rack.  
Its ice pick stabbed through my shirt, tearing a large hole, as its blow went 
wide.
	Turning around to face it, I saw one of the sponges circling 
around behind me, flanking, while another headed off in David's direction.  
'Things are getting tight,' I thought.  The college-aged sponge dragged itself 
out of the display rack, picked up a sword out of a pool of its comrade's blood, 
and joined the others in circling me.
	"We're going to gut you, you worthless Jihaddi," said the sponge 
with the ice pick.  Looking to my side, I noticed a rack of Doritos[tm] in 
several different flavors.  The sponges circled me, trying to decide when to 
attack. I waited because anything else would put me at extreme disadvantage.  I 
heard David backing up behind me, trying to avoid the sponge advancing on him.
	The other two sponges had an ice pick and hand axe, respectively.  
The one with the short sword was the first to make a move.  My hand blurred 
out to the side, grabbed a bag of Doritos, and threw it into the advancing 
sponge's face.  It fell back, stunned, while the sponge with the ice pick 
attacked from behind.
	Turning to meet its advance, the sponge seemed surprised at my 
reaction speed.  It was more surprised when its blood gushed out onto the floor, 
my short sword stabbing though it stomach at the belly button and then 
ripping upwards to its sternum.  Its momentum carried it towards me, even though 
its life had already ceased.  I left my sword in its body, took the ice 
pick, nestled it in my hand so the metal pick stuck out of my closed fist, and 
turned to face the other sponge.
	The axe swung in a low, deadly arc, closer than I estimated it.  
Hot pain ripped across my stomach as the axe torn through cloth and about 
.3" of flesh.  Coming out of my momentary surprise, I ignored the fresh blood 
running down my stomach turning the shirt and shorts red, as the sponge prepared 
to strike again.
	The axe came down in a high arc.  The ice pick shot upwards 
underneath the arc and pierced through the sponge's forearm between the ulna and 
radius. The sponge screamed in horror as its blow was blocked by the ice pick 
piercing its arm.  I jerked the ice pick out roughly and struck again.
	The sponge's cry of horror turned into a gasp of surprise, the ice 
pick stabbing between two of its rib, piercing its heart.  My free hand 
grabbed the hand axe from its slackened fingers as the sponge's body was shoved 
aside, dark red blood pouring out from around the ice pick.  I turned to face 
the remaining sponge with the short sword.
	It attaked, the sword coming in at gut level.  Dodging the blow, 
my axe swung in a whistling arc at shoulder level.  Thick streams of bright red
erupted from the sponge's severed juggler vein, its blood travelling in 
pulses into the women's clothing section next to the registers as its corpse 
hit the floor convulsing from the shock.
	David.
	I scanned the store and found him being backed into a corner by a 
sponge with a long sword.  Apparently it was enjoying the game of tease with 
him.  I moved towards the sponge, barely making a noise as the distance closed 
between us.
	The sponge turned his head, distracted from his game of tease, as 
he felt something coming up behind him.  It turned just as my hand locked 
onto its throat and lifted it off of the ground.  Its yelp of surpise was 
drowned out by the sound of vertebrae snapping, the force of my attack breaking 
its neck and severing its spinal cord with bone fragments.
	"We have to get out of here," I said, tossing the spongin's body 
into a stack of White Rain[tm] shampoo bottles.  David's face displayed nothing 
but utter shock at what had happened in the past 60 seconds or so.  He 
started to say something when a sickly sweet voice cut him off.
	"Hahahahahaha....Well done, Commander Marburger!  Or, should I say
'CyberPyro'?" inquired the voice.  I looked around, trying to locate the
source.  A movement caught my gaze.  The voice came from the fiberglass
Grimace.  But...it started to move, its shape changing as it stepped 
forwards.
	Slowly, the royal color of Grimace faded into a grotesque shade of 
purple, reminiscent of the Hell Wyrm.  The being's opaque nature becoming 
translucent so light began shimmering on its moist surface and refracting 
through it.
	"BLASPHEMY!!!" I screamed as the statue of Grimace morphed into 
some sort of 9 foot tall Wyrm Minion.  "What the heck! Jello?!?  I don't 
recall ever seeing a a servant of the Hell Wyrm composed of jello before..."
	"Very good!  You see, when our human slaves announced that my Ally 
was getting a marketing makeover, it was a mere reflection of his increase 
in power and acquisition of new warriors for his glorious cause!," said the
shambling mound of jello.
	"Uughhhh..." I groaned as it moved out from under the Golden 
Arches[tm] and headed in our direction.
	"I thought I'd let you know, before I kill both of you, that is 
will be very interesting for me to fight a cyborg.  You see, I've never fought 
one in my centuries of warfare.  I wasn't sure if it was you or Most Holy, 
Commander, when you walked in the door, but I couldn't be sure until you fought 
some of my squad.  Now I know."
	"Obviously, your intelligence agency [sic] is as good as it always 
is," I said, snatching the long sword from the floor.  My body's rapid 
healing was already beginning to close the wound on my stomach.
	"Well, we're getting better."
	"Well .. *uuuuggggghhhhh*" I groaned as a psychic blast slammed 
into my consciousness.  The world seemed to spin on 5 axis at once whlie my mind 
tried to recover from the surprise attack.

[Paranoid Voice:]  'And you thought I was being paranoid!  Now look!  
He's	psionically stunned and the Wyrm Minion is about to nail him!'

[Authoritative Voice:]  'Shut up!  I don't have time for this!'

	Based on the 8 or so images of the world in my eyes, I could guess 
that the Jello Sponge was charging.  A cold, incredibly strong tentacle 
wrapped itself around my shoulder and lifted me off of the ground.  A split 
second there after, another appendage slammed into my chest, knocking the wind 
out of me and leaving a spreading pain in its place.
	As my lungs struggled to recover, another blow landed in my 
stomach, harder than the first.  Blood began running down my stomach and legs as 
the wounds broke open again.  Another crushing blow landed on my sternum, 
another on my ribs.
	'I'm loosing consciousness,' I thought rather matter-of-factly as 
the gray spots floated in front of me.  My body was thrown sharply to one 
side and eventually collided with some hard surface which framgented <?> when I 
struck it.  I waited for the killing blow to come as the world swam in from of 
my eyes.
	
	"You can't hide from me forever..."
	"Come out now, and it will be less painful..."
	"You won't like it when I have the rest of my squad look for 
you..."
	"They will be far less kind than I will be, I can assure you..."

	It was the voice of the Jello Sponge, but not addressing me.  I 
began to sit up, my chest aching, and looked around.  Apparently, judging from 
the books an magazines scattered about, the Wyrm Minion threw me into a book 
rack. An aluminum baseball bat swung in front of my face.
	"Don't move!" yelled a member of the spongin squad, "Our leader 
has something extra special planned for you after he locates your friend."
	I began to sit up, ignoring the sponge.  It raised the bat over 
its head preparing to deliver a blow to my head.  My gaze locked on the bat.
	"You will not harm me," I said.  It began to swing.  My mind 
reached out to the metal, driving its temperature to the melting point in a 
split second. The sponge roared in agony and surprise as molten metal landed on 
its  back and shoulders, burning holes into its flesh.  It shook its hands 
wildly, suddenly finding them full of molten aluminum charring its flesh.
	I sat up, ignoring the wails of agony coming from the sponge 
rolling on the ground behind me and took stock of my surroundings.  Two spongin 
soldiers stood at the entrance of the book room, armed with semi-automatic 
weapons. They appeared to be too frightened to advance on me.
	"Our leader didn't say nutin' about you being pyrokinetic!" 
squealed one of the sponges.  My mind again reached out, this time to the pocket 
of air between the two.  "Please, don..."
	A resounding *BOOM* echoed throughout the store as the super-
heated air between the two sponge soldiers exploded, igniting their clothing and 
carbonizing the flesh on the side of their body closest to the explosion.  The 
force of the reaction threw them in opposite directions, sliding and burning 
down the main aisle until they finally skidded to a hault.
	I walked out of the book section, still aching, and looked around.  
My heart sank as I heard David cry out in pain somewhere in the store.  A 
red sheet of killing rage clouded my vision as I heard him cry out again.  I 
walked toward the sound, stopping to pick up the long sword still lying 
where it had fallen.
	"I know you're out there," bellowed the Jello Sponge.  "You're 
tougher than I thought, Commander Marburger, please do come and see me.  I know 
you will..."  David's cry of pain, sharper this time, caused me to enter an
apocalyptic rage.
	A soldier lunged out of an aisle at me, wielding his sword high.  
My sword moved in a viscious, upwards arc slicing into the sponge's hip at 
a depth of 3 inches.  The sword tore a deep, diagonal path across its 
entire torso and continued its arc, intercepting and severing the spongin's 
right forearm at the midpoint.  The sponge landed in a spreading pool of its 
own vital fluids, its last breath gurgling from its lungs as its life 
ceased. 
	Closing on the source of the noise, I noticed I was headed into 
the toy section of Wal-Mart.  The second isle, the one with the thousands of 
B'Harnii, B'Hii J'Haa and B'Habii B'Hopp was completely empty.  I shuddered, 
realizing that this could mean that...
	"My pets are on the loose now," giggled the Jello Sponge from 
behind me. I turned to face it and saw David held in three of its tentacles, his 
arm twisted in a very painful position.  He yelped in pain from his arm 
being bent still further and I attacked.
	The Jello Sponge laughed as my kick slammed into the area between 
what could count as its legs.  "Hahaha...silly Jihaddi, my reproductive 
organs aren't there.  They're  **OOOOFFFFF**"  My fist slammed into an area 
just above its 'hip,' ruptured the skin, and penetrated its flesh to about 
.5" as thick purple liquid sprayed out around my hand.
	The Jello Sponge made a high keening noise, indicating that it was 
in too much pain to scream aloud.  Its form rapidly dissolved, releasing 
David, as it still struggled for the 'breath' to scream.  He immediately 
started to hold his hurt arm and tried to stand.
	I helped him to his feet and headed for the rear exit.

....

	"ARE YOU CRAZY?!?  YOU'RE GOING BACK IN?!?!" asked David 
incrediously.
	"I have a duty as a Jihaddi to destroy these creatures of the Hell 
Wyrm, now, please go.  I don't want you to get hurt anymore," I said.
	"But..." he started to say, but was cut off by my closing the 
automatically locking doors that lead out of the mega-complex.

....

	I paused as I headed back down the service corridor for the sales 
floor. I distinctly heard the low rumble of a Harley-Davidson motorcycle 
approaching.
	"Most Holy," I said aloud, smiling.  "Looks like the cavalry is 
here." The JihadLinker[tm] in my pocket beeped.  I jumped slightly, both 
startled that it was still in my possession and that it still worked.  The 
display indicated that a W.E.D.J.E.E. weapons van would be here in 15 minutes, 
arriving from Cincinnati.  Likewise, it would be accompanied by an 2 APCs from 
TRES Corps.
	That meant about 100 TRES Corps enlisted soldiers, maybe officers.
"Gee, this is becoming a regular party!" I chuckled and headed down the
service corridor.

....

	I walked down the narrow, cinder block service corridor headed for 
the door onto the sales floor.  I rounded a corner and approached the foot 
of a staircase leading upwards.  As I put my hand on the rail, the door above 
me was kicked open and a sponge soldier stood there, dressed in an asbestos 
suit.
	"SURPRISE!" it screamed as pointed its flame thrower at me.  It 
was alone.
	"Oh, *please* don't hurt me Mr. Mighty Sponge Soldier!" I mock 
begged, trying desperately not to laugh in its face.  It looked baffled, I could
almost read its thought: 'This is a Jihaddi?'
	"OK, drop your sword and I'll let you live," it commanded.
	"Eep!  Don't hurt me!" I intoned, doing a mock-waddle away from it 
back down the service corridor.  As I waddled around the corner it opened 
fire, the jet of gasoline searing the air and catching the walls on fire.
	The sponge soldier clambered down the stairs, flaming the corridor 
as he went, intent on killing me.  It rounded the corner and was shocked to 
find me standing about 10 feet away, looking innocently at it.
	"Die!" it screamed, shooting it flame thrower directly at me.  I 
stood there and let the full stream of propelled gasoline strike my body, coat 
it, and burn.  I grinned, maintaining my stance, as the sponge soldier 
continued to coat me in burning gasoline.  It finally stopped shooting.
	"MWAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I said, throwing my head back and 
laughing with near-insane glee, gasoline still burning harmlessly on my face and 
chest. The look on the soldier's face told me that it had probably just wet its
pants.  "*sniff*  Hehehe...you stupid sponge.  Didn't anyone ever tell 
you that pyrokinetics are immune to fire?"
	"I...*ack*," it squealed as the distance between us closed to 
hand-to-hand range.  My sword struck the barrel of the flame thrower, the force 
of the impact knocking the weapon from the sponge's hands.  The sword clattered 
to the floor as both of my hands blurred upwards, each solidly impacting on 
the sponge's ears.  It fell back, stunned from the blow, crashing into the 
wall. My foot slammed into his chest, pinning him to the floor.
	"Now, let's have some fun!" I said, pulling the flame thrower into 
my hands by its fuel cable.  The sponge soldier's eyes widened in horror as 
he realized what was about to happen.
	The barrel pointed at his face, the nozzle closed down in a tight
stream.  "No....no...." he begged.  Flames erupted from the barrel, 
coating his head, incinerating his hair, and charring the flesh.  The sponge 
thrashed wildly underneath my foot, trying desperately to put its face out and 
save its life.
	I took pity upon it, after watching it thrash for quite some time, 
and broke its neck.  An idea came to me, and I slipped the flame thrower on 
my back and headed down the corridor.
	"Hey!  I found that Jihaddi down here!  Someone come and help me 
get him," I said aloud into the store.  Several voices answered mine and 
made their way towards the service door.  I took my position after smashing 
several of the flourescent tubes lighting the corridor and waited.
	Six sponge soldiers, carrying semi-automatic weapons, and dressed 
from head to toe in mauve camoflage came around the corner.  They saw the 
pilot flame of my thrower in the darkened corridor.
	"Alright, where is he?" asked their sargent.
	"Over here, next to me," I said.  They came closer, guns at the 
ready. At ten paces I opened fire, the nozzle fully open.  The stream of fire
engulfed them setting equipment, uniforms, and flesh alike on fire.  As 
they did their macabe dance in the fire, I dropped the thrower and picked up 
my sword, unneeded to finish the work at hand.

....

	I knew, immediately upon entering the sales floor, that the Jello 
Sponge was still alive, and royally ticked.
	[o/~ I love you o/~] bumped into my conscious mind as a kind of 
psionic "ping."  I ignored it and headed for the sporting goods section.
	[o/~ You love me o/~] bumped into my mind again as I walked by a 
bin of bean bag chairs.
	[ *PONG!* ] I answered, unable to take anymore of these subliminal 
messages, bouncing the Jello Sponge's thought back, ignored.  A loud 
crackling noise and the sudden materialization of my enemy 50 feet away, 
surrounded in a writhing purple energy field, alarmed me.
	The writhing energy field coalesced into a coherent form in front 
of the Jello Sponge.  Guided by instinct, my body waited a split second and 
then moved sharply away from where it was.  The energy field streaked across 
the store, passing through the spot I just left, striking a bin of bean bag
chairs.
	The world erupted into a blizzard of little, white styrofoam balls 
punctuated by falling scraps of charred vinyl, and shards of metal belonging 
to the bin.  I ran through the blizzard, determined to get to the sporting 
goods section.  A glance over my shoulder revealed a form moving through the 
ceasing blizzard, not by its appearance, but by a lack of space occupied by the 
falling matter.
	It stopped moving.
	[o/~ I love you o/~] ran into my consciousness again.  It's blind 
when it's invisible I realized, making my way into the sporting goods 
section.  The guns section sported several excellent members.
	[o/~ You love me o/~] assaulted my mind again.
	[o/~ You let me violate you o/~] I sent back, unable to ignore 
it's pinging anymore.  (NOTE: /\/ | \/\ (Nine Inch Nail music reference, 
"Closer" from "The Downward Spiral.") )
	[ *ack* ] It seemed uncertain of what to do.  I broke the lock 
holding the cases closed and pulled out a 12 gauge, pump action shot gun, 
capable of holding 8 rounds.  I also selected a .45 cal automatic, grabbed a 
fanny pack with two compartments in it, and dumped ammo into it.
	[o/~ I LOVE YOU o/~] came back stronger as I crouched behind the 
counter loading weapons.
	[o/~ He sewed his eyes shut, because he is afraid to see o/~] I 
sent back.  (Another /\/ | \/\ reference, "Heresey; The Downward Spiral")
	[o/~ YOU LOVE ME o/~] came a reply
	[o/~ He trys to tell me what I put inside of me.  He's got the 
answers to ease my curiousity o/~] I sent back.
	The war of songs continued in this vein as I made my way through 
the sporting goods section.  I stopped at the knives, selected a large 
hunting knife, and strapped it to my right leg.  Gun fire off in the distance 
alerted me the Most Holy's arrival.  There were several higher pitched popping 
noises punctuated by the dull roars of his 10 gauge shot gun.
	The case immediately in front of me erupted into a shower of 
broken glass as several sponges, hiding among the bolts of fabric in the crafts
section, opened fire.  I slid to the floor, pumped my rifle and crawled 
out of the field of fire.
	Getting to my feet, I padded quietly down an aisle parallel to 
their position.  Listening carefully, I stepped partially out into an aisle 
perpendicular to their area, selected my target, and fired.  The shell struck 
one of the sponge soldiers directly in the heart, killing it instantly, as 
its corpse snapped backwards into a display of fabric bolts.
	Bullets smashed into shelf in front on me, knocking items to the 
floor, as the soldiers returned fire.  When the salvo stopped, I stepped back 
out, fired twice, tearing one soldier's torso to ribbons.  My shotgun re-
pumped, found a solder who fumbled his weapon, and fired.  The shell impacted at 
the base of its neck, splattering gore throughout the fabric section, as its
corpse snapped backwards, landing on the cutting table.
	"Two more," I said, continuing my music battle with the Jello 
Sponge.  I stepped out into the isle again, turned down the isle next to me, and 
got a sideways view of a soldier creeping along.  I fired once, my shell 
impacted on its hip, spinning it around to face me.  As what was happening 
registered with the soldier, another shell impacted in its lower abdomen, 
shreading its digestive track.  It began to double over only to have another 
shell strike in the middle of a pectoral muscle.  As it arched back from the 
force of the three rapid shots, another shell blew away a large chunk of its 
shoulder, splattering the wall behind it.
	A shot rang out next to me and pain ripped across my left arm.  
The last soldier fired a shot that gouged across the surface of my arm.  I 
dropped down to my knees, pulled the .45 out of its holster, pointed, and fired.
	The bullet struck the sponge just above the right eyebrow.  A 
stream of gore erupted from the back of its head and sprayed across the isle 
staining the clean displays.  I reloaded my guns and moved into the auto parts 
section. 
	[ *PONG* ] I sent back as I tightened a bandage on my arm.  "Oh 
shit," I said, the crackling in the distance telling me that I'd made a booboo.
	The aisle where I'd been exploded, throwing automotive parts 
across the entire store, as the metal shelves tore in half from the force of the 
explosion.  I caught sight of the Jello Sponge, fired 4 rapid shots, each 
impacting less that 2 inches away from the other in the sponge's torso.  It 
howled in rage and charged.
	I ran down one of the main aisles, headed for the video section, 
when I saw several Jihaddi standing around with spongin corpses on the floor.
	"GOGOGOGO!" I screamed, conscious that the Jello Sponge was now 
following immediately behind me in a killing rage.


"War at the Local Wal-Mart, Part 3" by Most Holy

	"Bach's Unaccompanied Cello Suites..fuck. not just one of em
either. 6 of the damn things. And I can't get one of em right..."

Ian was currently in his room trying to play that damned instrument
again. He'd been playing the cello, or trying to, for the last two 
hours, concentrating on the Allemande of the 6th suite, and despite his best
efforts couldnt get the transition to Alto cleff quite right. It just
wouldn't co-operate, it seemed. Until, as Murphy's Law would have it, 
his JihadLinker went off just as he was making some real progress. Damn
it.

Ian, or Most Holy as he was known to some, put down his cello and went
over ot the closet, where he last remembered leaving the 
JihadLinker[tm]. After shuffling around through pistol belts, packs, sleeping 
bags, e-tools and the like, he found it.

But this wasnt the usual annoying test-beep. This was serious. He 
checked the coordinates given in the display...

"Shit, that's the Wal-Mart... what the..."

Quickly he got off messages to the Legion of Doom and alerted the Ohio
contingents of MAUL, who would spread the word to the praetor.
Grabbing a pistol belt (loaded with a canteen, ammo pouches and Mag 
Lite,) Ka-Bar, and his 10-gauge, he ran out of the building (incurring not a 
few astonished looks before he realized it may be a good idea to actually 
try to *conceal* the shotgun) towards his baby, a '91 Harley Sturgis. The fuel 
valve was already on, it had been left in neutral and the engine-kill switch 
was on 'run'. All he had to do was turn the ignition key and hit the 
electric start, squeeze the clutch, switch to first gear and roll on the 
throttle and he was off.

Heading towards Wal-Mart in 4th gear. Not too smart, really, but he was
there in no time. It didn't occur to Most Holy that there were no police
about; no one had called about a paramilitaristic long-hair running down
the stairway with a shotgun and assorted gear; no one had noticed his 
1500 cc machine racing through the backstreets of Oxford; he thought of none
of this as he raced into the Wal-Mart parking lot, finally
downshifting till he came to a stop at the entrance. He could hear
something going on inside, and it didn't sound like a picnic.

It sounded like a nightmare.

No time to lose. Dressed in black, as per usual, only with the addition
of the shotgun and web belt, Most Holy made one of the biggest mistakes
of his life. He ran inside.

There, it all made sense. An obviously spongified Minion of B'harne had
just noticed him as he regarded the rows of Fat-free Devil's Food Cake,
Purple streamers, and the B'harne War Cry (or theme song, depending on
ones point of view...) emanating throughout the store. Most Holy noticed
this particular sponge too late; he was wielding of all things a plastic
rake, and didn't have a clue as to how to use it. The sponge 'raked' him
across the face, getting Ian's attention, and paid for it to the tune of
a slit throat. Dazed more than anything, Most Holy tried to get a feel
for his surrouindings. Straight ahead and to the left it sounded as if
there were a few spongies, and loading his shotgun he advanced, turned
the corner and...

Barely missed being torched by the discharge of a flame-thrower. "SHIT!"
was the only reply he could give as he dived under a display table and
brought it down behind him as the sponge let at it again. Most Holy
grabbed something off the shelf behind him - it turned out to be a box 
of "B'harne's Healthy Snack Lunchtime Food (tm the HellWyrm)"- and threw it
to his right. The sponge went after it, and Most Holy jumped up and laid
two slugs into him. The sponge fell, dead, leaving a nice little toy for
Most Holy to play with. Donning the flame thrower and smiling, Most Holy
turned to see two sponges with pistols, apparently 9mm, boring down on
him. Nothing to do but drop, Most Holy did so- and caught a round in his
left arm.

He rolled right, then left, then right into what was apparently the
household section of the store, and the sponges tried to hit him again
and again. Having dropped his precious and dearly loved shotgun, and his
left arm for all purposes immobile, the flamethrower being unweildy at
best and beginning to go into shock, Most Holy's mind began playing out
scenes from his life as he felt the contents of the shelving falling on
him. He remembered his first girlfriend, his first commision, his first
bike; he drifted into unconciousness as the sounds of a (familiar?)
shotgun went off in the distance.

***

"hey, asshole, wake up."

Most Holy awoke to the familiar faces of Sgt. Half Holy, Bvt. Maj Quite
Holy, Corporal Not Holy, Pvt. Un Holy and Pvt. Stoopid  Holy. The members of 
MAUL's G-Team (G for Grimace, obviously)  had once again rescued
their leader.

"I oughtta frag your ass for this, ya bastard...", continued a slightly
pissed Half Holy. Most Holy was now quite awake.

"I oughtta put that flamethrower to use on your face, ya insubordinate
prick. Now get me a medic, asshole."

"As usual, SIR!" Quite Holy stepped forward with his medical pack and
administered to Most Holy's wound.

When done, Most Holy asked about the situation and Half Holy gave the 
report:

"We killed a few back there at the entrance; one of 'em had fucked up 
the fire-extinquisher sytem and two others were trying to set up a speaker
cabinet. We worked our way over here and took out four more, including
the two who were after you. The rest you know."

"Good. Let's find Marburger and finish this job. You take to the back of
the store with the G-Team; Quite Holy, you come with me." they 
dispersed, Most and Quite Holys heading towards the video department and the G-
Team heading for the back.

Once there, they beheld one of the most terrifying scenes yet. 10 
sponges sitting around a television set watching tapes of the HellWyrm, soaking
it all in; they all had that vapid gaze and dumbfounded look;
obvious they were beyond repair. Quite Holy headed to the right, Most
Holy to the left, and simultaneously opened fire into the group. Four
went dead immediately, the remaining six survived because of human 
error-it was damn difficult to aim *and* fire a shotgun with only one arm, his
left arm being rendered useless by the sponges with the pistols.
Luckily, Quite Holy was quite a good shot, and managed to take down two
more before the four survivors could take defensive positions and fire
back; this time it was with rifles from the gun department. Most and 
Quite followed suit, and a melodramatic (but utterly useless) gun battle
ensued. Spongie fires, ducks, Holy returns fire, ducks. Until, that is, 
a fifth sound rang out; an M16 on full-auto. And thanks to good ol' 
Murphy's Law, it was being aimed at them. Ammo running out and soon to be 
overrun, they had to decide whether to charge, maintain this futile defensive
posture, or run away like cowardly flea-infested maggot-bitten gutter-
dogs. They decided to charge, but were convinced otherwise when the sponge 
with the M16 shot off the remaining contents of the shelf above them. They
decided rather for a strategic withdrawal, which they did with military
efficiency. They ran like bastards till they met up with the other G-
Team members, in the cleaning suplies department. They hadn't had Most and 
Quite Holy's luck; they hadn't come across any difficult spongies yet.

"Whoa, we heard the fire fight back there; whattd you conjure up, the
101st Airborne?", spoke a typically cynical Sgt. Half Holy.

"No, they just had superior firepower. For the moment. Half Holy, would
you be so kind as to introduce our four or five spongie friends in the
video department to your M249?"

"Be glad to. Now make yer damn self useful and roll me a cigarette by 
the time I get back."

"Youre fired when this is over, btw...and we're commin with you" shot 
back Most Holy, ostensibly the leader of this group.

"You can't fire me, I'm the one who gets everything DONE around here!"
spoke Half Holy as he and the group went off to kill the five sponges- 
Half Holy no doubt with his usual accuracy. That was the annoying thing about 
that bastard, thought Most Holy as they followed, he was usually right. Leave 
it to him to--

<BOOM>

A massive explosion ripped through the store, catching everyone off
gaurd. A fireball rose in the automotive section as charred hunks of
metal flew off in all directions. Ignoring the spectacle, they
reentered the video section and Half Holy blasted the M16-toting sponge
while Most and Quite Holy took out the other sponges, who were still
gawking in the direction of the automotive department. That done,
Stoopid, Un and Not Holy began to whine about not getting any target
practice, Half Holy began to go off on one of his tangents, Quite Holy 
was reloading and Most Holy was tending to his wound. During all this, a 
rythmic cry was heard, comming from the destroyed autoomotive section:

"gogogogoGOGOGOGO!!!"

They beheld the up till now elusive Commander Marburger racing down the 
isle like the HellWyrm itself were after him. He was carrying a 12 ga. 
shotgun and waving his arms frantically.

"Commander Marburger, I presume?" asked Most Holy.

"RUN! GO GO GO GO GO!" cried Marburger as he shot past the group.
Wondering what the hell was up next, the G-Team looked down where
Marburger had come from and beheld a horrendous sight...

[Writer's Note: Two people wrote this section together, so everyone will 
be refered to in the 3rd person.]

	"Well, what a little inconsiderate..." yelled Half Holy as 
Commander Marburger of TRES Corps ran past them yelling.
	"What's the heck?" asked Stoopid Holy.
	"SHIT! RUN!!!" yelled Half Holy after getting a look at the thing
chasing after CyberPyro (Comm. Marburger).  The G-Team, except for 
Stoopid Holy, who was always slow on the uptake, ran down the aisle away from 
the Jello Sponge and after Commander Marburger.

....

	"Guys?  Where'd you .... *gaaauuccckkkk*" said Stoopid Holy as the 
Jello Sponge seized him by his throat and lifted him off of the ground.  
Stoopid Holy tried to kick the creature strangling him, panic setting into the 
core of his stomach, but found he couldn't reach it with his legs.
	"Hahahaha," chuckled the beast.  "You'll make a wonderful edition 
to my army."  Stoopid Holy pulled out the pistol on his belt, aimed it at the 
Jello entity, pulled the trigger, and discovered he'd left his ammo at home.
	The beast chuckled, tightening its grip on his throat, completely 
cutting off Stoopid Holy's air supply.  In his panic, Stoopid Holy grabbed 
his combat knife and slashed at the sponge's tentacles.  He felt it connect, 
tear through gelatinous flesh, and hot sticky liquid pour over his hand.
	The Jello Sponge howled in pain and spawned four tentacles which 
wrapped around Stoopid Holy's forearm and upper arm.  Stoopid Holy dropped the
knife and tried to scream, but found his throat could not move the air 
to make any noise; the Jello Sponge's grip was too tight.  Stoopid Holy was 
about to pass out.
	"Now, my dear, I hope you've learned not to play with toys," said 
the Wyrm Minion is a sunny, cheerful tone.  "Oh!  How silly of me!  You'd 
probably like to breathe, if not whine, from all the pain you foolishly brought 
on your-self."
	The tentacles around Stoopid Holy's throat relaxed, allowing air 
to enter his throat.  He sucked the air in, his lungs burning, only to 
expel it in agony as the Jello Sponge spawned yet another tentacle and pounded 
him in the back, knocking his air out....

	The Jihaddi came to a screaching all Stoopid Holy's screams of 
agony echoed throughout the store.
	"Dammit!  That stupid Stoopid got caught," said Half Holy, turning
around to head back to the video department.
	"Forget about him.  There's no helping him now," said CyberPyro as 
he stepped into Half Holy's path.  "The thing almost killed me when I first 
met it.  It's just trying to draw us back into an ambush it prepared."
	"Fuck you! You're movin outta my way!" screamed Half Holy, the 
twitches in his face indicating the rough sargeant cared deeply for his squad.  
The screaming was cut off abruptly as Half Holy and CyberPyro stared each 
other down.
	"Half Holy, theres nothing we can do for him now. Lets get outta 
here. NOW." Most Holy moved towards his Sgt. as he was speaking, hoping this 
wasn't going to become an incident. Half Holy reluctantly concurred and the 
group starting running off towards the front of the store again.

....

	The Wyrm Minion held Stoopid Holy in its tentacles, waiting for 
the Jihaddi to walk into the cross fire its soldiers had set up. It had been
torturing Stoopid in the hopes that the Jihaddi would come running to 
his rescue.
	"It appears, I'm sorry to say for you, that your friends have 
deserted you," said the Jello beast with mock sincerity.  He started to throttle
Stoopid Holy again.
	"But you see, they don't care about you, obviously.  I mean, they 
didn't even *try* to save you, Stoopid Holy," intoned the Wyrm Minion.  One of 
its tentacles struck the Holy hard in the stomach, knocking the wind out of 
him. Two tentacles were wrapped around his neck, completely choking off his 
air supply.
	"So, I'll just have to make the best it," chucked the Jello Sponge 
as the Jihaddi's face turned red and then blue.  Tentacles hovered near 
Stoopid Holy's face while others continued to asphixiate their victim. The ones 
around his neck suddenly released their grip allowing Stoopid to draw a 
desperate, ragged breath.
	Stoopid Holy jerked in shock as he felt one of the Jello beast's 
tentacles force its way into his mouth, another spread quickly over his 
face, invading his nose, and ears.  Sections of the Wyrm Minion's tentacles 
detached from the thing's body, the jello-like substance continued to invade 
Stoopid Holy's body as he fell to the floor.
	"Don't worry, you'll be in agony as your body and mind of forcibly
altered, but you will feel better after awhile," chuckled the Jello 
beast. The Holy rolled around violently on the floor, trying to tear the 
material off of his face with his functioning hand.  Convulsions seized his body 
in a final defense and then all movement ceased.
	After a few moments, Stoopid Holy's flesh began to change, 
liquifying into something that looked creamy with little chunks in it.  After a 
couple of minutes, his body dissolved completely into a mound of what could best 
be described as tapioca pudding.
	"Aaahhh...I see your point, now," said the pool of pudding as it 
formed itself into a mound.  "I want to kill Most Holy and Half Holy myself; 
they never liked me anyway; why else would they have left me?"
	"Excellent!" exclaimed the Jello Beast

....


	The remaining Jihaddi crew, Most Holy, CyberPyro, and the G-Team 
pounded down a main aisle of the Wal-Mart.  Everyone was upset about the death 
of their companion, but there was nothing they could do. It was simply too 
late to help him.
	"Head for the Mc Donald's," ordered CyberPyro as the whole team 
ran away from the video department.
	"Damn, what the hell was that thing?!?" asked Half Holy, the 
Sargeant and most effective person in G-Team.
	"Something new.  It told me that its race *voltunteered* to serve 
the Hell Wyrm.  I fought it before...it's pretty powerful; it caught me 
offgaurd and I payed for it," said CyberPyro, still feeling the effects from the
entity's assault when he took a deep breath.
	"That is twisted," said Most Holy.  "The idea of an entire race
volunteering to serve the Hell Wyrm.  Their objectives must be truely 
evil."
	The group of Jihaddi arrived at the Mac Donald's built into Wal-
Mart. The service desk was immediately next to the Mc D's.  Most Holy and 
CyberPyro looked at the PA system, complete with CD player, near the service 
desk. 
	"Good Music[tm]!" they said is unison and slid over the counter to 
get at the PA system.  CyberPyro grabbed his backpack (the one left at the 
service desk earlier) and pulled out his favorite CDs while Most Holy got his 
out. Most Holy dropped his Carcass CD in the tray before CyberPyro had his CD
out.	"Hey!  I don't want to listen to that!"
	"What?  I suppose you want /\/ | \/\ ?" sneared Most Holy.
	"Hmmm...well, I guess not now.  How about Skinny Puppy?"
	"Hell no.  What about..." asked Most Holy as the wall behind him 
exploded from a shot gun blast.  Both of the Jihaddi officers hit the floor 
as more bullets impacted into the wall above them.
	"Hey, assholes!  We've got a problem!  Care to pay attention for
a while?" barked Half Holy as the G-Team took up defensive positions 
inside of Mc Donald's.
	It appeared, to all who looked, which to is say everyone, that the
Jello Sponge arrived with the 50 remaining members of its platoons as 
well as something that looked like...Pudding.  Sugar free, in fact.
	"WHAT is THAT, " said Most Holy.
	"Stoopid Holy, at your service." said the Puddin' Sponge.  "You 
see, my Jello friend here showed me the error of my ways.  He also impressed on 
me why all of you must die."  The sponge soldiers deployed while the Puddin' 
Sponge addressed the group.  They took cover behind stacks of boxed 
merchandise, hid in the clothing section, and laid down on the floor, rifles 
pointed at the Jihaddi.  They carried an assortment of weapons: M-16s, M-60s, 
.30-06s, and
flame throwers.
	Half Holy and CyberPyro opened fire at the same time, their 12 
gauge and M249, respectively, making large holes in two sponge soldiers.  Most 
Holy and the other G-Team members opened fire a split second later.  Four more 
sponge squealed in agony, their life blood spraying out of newly made holes in 
their bodies, as they collapsed onto the floor.
	As the Jello Sponge and Puddin' Sponge retreated out of the fire 
fight, CyberPyro opened fire with his 12 gauge, rapidly opening three holes in 
the stomach, chest, and neck of one of the sponge soldiers with a flame 
thrower. In its dying state, its hand clamped down the thrower's trigger and 
fired a large stream of burning gasoline throughout the store.
	The firey arc caught several racks of clothing on fire, set one of 
the cashier's areas ablaze, and started a fire in the middle of the wall of 
One Calorie, Fat Free, Vitamin Enriched Devil's Food Cake Cookies [tm - 
HellWyrm] by the entrance.  Most Holy's 10 gauge roared, physically blowing a 
sponge soldier off of the top of a stack of TVs he'd climbed up on to snipe at 
the Jihaddi.
	Everyone took cover as the soldiers returned fire.  The golden 
plastic arches of Mc Donald's shattered, the flourescent tubes inside exploding, 
leaving the white plaster underneath, as they took several shells from the
sponges.  Quite Holy, the medic of the G-Team, cried out in pain, blood 
running profusely from his shoulder.  The wall behind the service desk began 
to disintegrate from all the bullets and shells fired in Most Holy's and 
CyberPyro's direction.
	"I want Metallica!  Hey, you don't think they're aiming for us, do 
you?" said CyberPyro as plaster rained down on him.
	"LARD?  Gee, I dunno...maybe their just being freindly," sneered 
Most Holy, proferring Jello Biafra's creation.  [Note: See auxiliary post for 
full song lyrics.]
	"YESSS!!" exclaimed CyberPyro as he snatched the disk from Most 
Holy's hand, placed it in the CD caddy, hit play and cranked the volume as high 
as it would go.  He also took note that the fires started throughout the store 
were beginning to spread.  The service desk would soon be engulfed in flames 
from the burning boxes of Healthy Snacks[tm-HellWyrm].
	[o/~ LARD! You can see it in the clouds up in the sky.  o/~] 
boomed the PA system.  The sponges reeling from the effects of GoodMusic[tm], 
temporarily lost their focus, the barrage of bullets ceasing while they held 
their ears in abject, spongified horror.  The fires continued to spread in the 
clothing section.
	[o/~ LARD!  Floats by in clusters in our water supply.  o/~]
	Sensing their advantage, Corporal Not Holy and Private UnHoly 
popped out from cover and opened fire, their M16s set on full auto.  The other 
Jihaddi, except Quite Holy who was trying to bandage her wounded shoulder, fired 
as well, creating a deadly cross fire.
	A group of 7 sponge soldiers, who took cover behind the pile of 
boxed TVs, did the Chain Gun Cha-Cha [tm-Id software] as bullets from Not and
UnHoly's M16s blew through their cover, shreading their flesh.  A 
soldier who wandered out of cover died as his chest disintegrated from a shot of 
Most Holy's 10 gauge.
	[o/~ LARD!  It's all of us, man.  In our pores and in our hair. 
o/~]
	Four soldiers flew backwards, holes where their hearts used to be, 
as CyberPyro's 12 gauge shells found their targets, vividly demonstrating 
the cyborg's deadly speed and accuracy.  Another soldier fell to its knees 
screaming, the contents of its abdomen pouring out around its hands, thanks to 
Half Holy's M249.
	[o/~ LARD's what we concealed with these corny clothes we wear 
o/~]
	Six sponge soldiers, fleeing the growing blaze in the clothing 
section, emerged from the smoke to meet bullets from the Holy's M16s.  Following 
their brief, agonized dance, they dropped to the floor lifeless matter.
	[o/~ LARD is all  o/~]
	The two sponge soldiers who wielded flame throwers pulled their 
hands from their ears, groping wildly for their weapons.  Most Holy's 10 gauge
roared and one fell to the floor, the right half of its skulll missing.
	[o/~ LARD is divine o/~]
	CyberPyro fired two rapid shots, neatly shredding the other 
soldier's heart into bloody pulp and opening its throat in a shower of gore.  
The fire in the clothing section continued to spread, a wall of smoke beginning 
to rise.
	[o/~ LARD is in control o/~]
	A sponge soldier, its uniform on fire, ran screaming out of 
clothing section towards the stacks of TVs.  Half Holy's M249 roared, tearing 
its spinal column in half, as it flipped over in mid-air, and landed on the 
boxes, its flames quickly igniting the cardboard.
	Not and UnHoly used the last of their ammo to gun down three 
sponges who tried to return fire, but found that the Good Music[tm] prevented 
their functioning.  Most Holy fired off his last burst and missed the sponge who
dove for cover.
	[o/~ LARD whips and chains our soul o/~]
	The fire alarm went off throughout the store, lights flashing and 
sirens blazing.  Most Holy retreated from the service desk area, the heat and 
smoke from the burning of the Healthy Snacks getting to be too much for him.  
CyberPyro, being naturally immune to fire, took no note of it other to 
remember that his ammo would explode at high temperatures.
	[o/~ LARD -- we carry credit cards o/~]
	Unholy and Not Holy tossed their useless rifles aside, pulled out 
their combat pistols, and realized they only had 20 bullets between them.  
CyberPyro tossed his .45 auto to Most Holy as he loaded up his 12 gauge again.  
The pile of TVs about 100 feet away erupted into a tower of flame, the dead 
sponge's body providing the fuel for the cardboard and styrofoam to burn.
	[o/~ LARD -- we live in fear of Art o/~]
	"Ack!" exclaimed CyberPyro, seeing a rhythmic pattern of purple 
sparks erupting behind the burning clothing.  He threw himself sharply to the 
right, realizing that the Jello Sponge was about to strike.  "GET DOWN!!!"
	A stream of purple energy crackled across the sales floor, the 
smoke blowing out its way as it ionized the air, a strong wind serving as its 
companion.  All the Jihaddi hit the floor a split second before it struck 
its target: the PA system.

<*BOOM*>

	The PA systems and wall behind it exploded, burning electronic 
components, plaster, wiring, glass, wood, and metal spraying in a deadly cloud
throughout the service desk area.  The Jihaddi gritted their teeth as 
various pieces of small debris buried themselves in their skin.
	The music stopped along with the fire alarm system.  Apparently, 
the system that controlled the mechanisms to extinguish fire in the mega-
complex had sat on the other side of the wall as the PA system.  However, it was 
now destroyed.
	"Damn," exclaimed Half Holy.  "I..."  Half Holy hit the floor hard 
and rolled away from where he was towards a safer area.
	A barage of bullets assaulted the Jihaddi's area again, the sponge
soldier's regaining their composure after the Good Music[tm] was gone.  
The fiberglass statue of Ronald Mc Donald, heretofore untouched in the fire 
fight, disintegrated from several streams of bullets converging on it.  Half 
Holy, now on the other side of Mc Donald's, looked at where he had been and 
the destruction of the Ronald Mc Donald statue.
	"Bastards, now you're definitely going to die!" he coughed.  The
smoke from the fire cut visibility to near nothing, and made breathing a 
difficult prospect at times.  The world changes from a clear, garishly lit 
flourescent reality to one of dark, swirling grays and refracted light from 
fires. Somewhere off in the distance, the bright patch that was the burning 
tower of TVs collapsed in a deafening noise.
	Some of the TVs, burning and tumbling from a significant height, 
exploded loudly when they hit the floor, and sprayed flaming fragments 
throughout the store, starting new fires in untouched areas.  Others simply 
buckled from the heat, causing those above them to fall to the floor.  Still 
others somehow refused to burn, charring on the outside, but never igniting.
	"We need to get some sort of filters  **cough** on our faces.  
*Cough* Before we suffer smoke inhalation," said Quiet Holy, the G-Team's medic.  
A noise eminated from the fire as a group of 7 sponges charged at the 
Jihaddi. 
	A 12 gauge fired 4 times in rapid succession, accompained by 2 
blasts of a M249, 2 shots of a .45, and several combat pistol shots.  The seven 
sponge soldiers fell to the ground with a rain of gore that used to belong to 
their bodies.  More shots came out of the smoke, apparently aimed at random, 
and failed to strike any Jihaddi.
	Most Holy, UnHoly, Not Holy, and Quite Holy returned fire while 
Half Holy and CyberPyro, listening to the doctor's words, found large 
bandanas to serve as masks for their companions.  Half Holy wet a bandana, 
wrapped it around his mouth & nose, and looking quizically at CyberPyro.
	"I don't need anywhere near as much oxygen as humans do," said 
CyberPyro "I can handle this environment without difficulty."  Half Holy looked 
rather skeptical but chose not to debate the point, and instead headed for 
where the other Jihaddi were hiding.
	The fire fight continued for about 2 minutes with shots being 
fired at random while the fire in the store burned itself out or, due to wise 
floor design, confined itself to certain areas.  The Jihaddi managed to kill 
another sponge soldier, but the smoke (and heat) prevented anyone from spotting 
them in either the visible light, or infrared ranges.
	*click*  *click*
	"Shit! I'm out of ammo!" complained Half Holy.
	"Join the club," said everyone else.
	"Darn," said CyberPyro, drawing his sword with as evil grin.  
"Guess we'll just have to kill them with our bare hands."
	The group looked off in the distance through the smoke and embers 
to see a group of twelve figures approaching them.  One figure towered above 
the rest, the light refracting in strange ways through its unique biology.  
Beside it stood another Wyrm Minion, something which glistened & jiggled in the 
light and looked distintly like tapioca pudding.  The other ten figures were 
sponge soldiers.
	"Bravo!  You Jihaddi are better at combat than I thought you would 
be!" exclaimed the Jello Sponge.  "Unfortunately, like you, we lack ammo to 
bring this to a quick close.  Therefore, my best swordsmen, Stoopid Holy, and 
I will just have to break your necks with our bare hands."
	"BTW, Stoopid Holy, *my* minion now, has requested the privelage 
of killing Most Holy and Half Holy himself.  I happily granted this as I 
want to kill CyberPyro, since he has been the biggest... *annoyance* ... I've 
faced in many centuries."
	The Jello Sponge signalled, its soldiers drew long swords and 
charged intent on killing the outnumbered, battle weary Jihaddi.



	CyberPyro stood next to the broken Golden Arches of the shatter Mc 
Donald's with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.  Most, Not, and 
Half Holy took off running into the smoke and disappeared, leaving him with a
wounded Quite Holy and a scared Un Holy.
	Un Holy has reason to be scared; the three of them were about to 
face the dreaded Jello Sponge and its 10 best swordmen.  The Jihaddi backed 
up a little as the wyrm minions advanced, unsure of what to do.  Un Holy 
jumped as CyberPyro purposefully bumped into her.
	"I need you to fight with Quite Holy.  I can handle myself, ok?" I
asked.  Un Holy nodded her agreement, and stepped off toward Quite Holy 
as she drew her machete.  Quite Holy, the doctor of the group, pulled her bowie 
knife from its sheath and waited for the swordsmen.
	"Kill them," said the Jello Sponge as I drew my long sword and 
hunting kife.  The sponge soldiers obediently drew their swords, sang the Hell 
Wyrm War Chant, and charged towards us.
	A large, muscular soldier chose me as his target since he 
apparently had
qualms about fighting women.  His first blow came in a whistling arc.  I 
side-stepped it and brought my sword up to gut him.  The soldier recovered 
quicker than I thought and blocked the blow.  He brought his fist up in an 
attempt to strike me and managed to introduce his hand to my downwards stabbing 
hunting knife.
	The soldier yelled in pain and brought his sword around again for
another attack.  Our swords clashed in mid-air, sparks flying as the 
steel met.  The soldier's snarl of hatred slackened from surprise and then 
death as my knife pierced through his neck, neatly slicing though both his 
artery and vein.  I pulled the bloodied knife out and let the sponge's corpse 
slide to the ground.
	Un Holy parried the blow of her attack and stunned him with a 
strong, fast uppper cut that connected on the tip of his jaw.  Before the 
soldier could recover, the machete notched itself deeply into his neck, killing 
him in a spray of dark red fluid.
	Quite Holy, the nimblest member of the G-Team, dodged a clumsy 
attack against her.  She then slid her bowie knife between two of the sponges's
vertebrae, slicing it's spinal column in half.  Its body was forgotten 
as the next set of swordsmen attacked.
	Another sponge soldier attacked me with its sword coming down from 
an over hand swipe.  My sword rang as it collided with the other sword.  My 
knife came in low, stabbed deeply into the soldier's stomach, the force of the
impact lifting it off of its feet.
	Un Holy's head rocked back from the punch a soldier landed on her 
jaw. She brought her machete up to block the sword coming at her, succeeded, 
but was knocked back onto the shattered bench where Ronald Mc Donald used to 
sit. The soldier came at her, its sword raised high to kill.
	Un Holy's steel toed boot shot out and connected soldily right 
under the soldier's rib cage.  It fell to the side making a desperate wheezing 
noise, unable to breath.  Un Holy got off the shattered bench, grabbed her 
machete, walked over the soldier laying on the ground, pulled his head up by the 
hair, and decapitated him with a single swipe.  She casually cast the head 
aside and looked for a new target.
	Quite Holy cried out in pain as the flat of a spongin's sword 
slammed hard into her wounded shoulder.  Her good hand quickly went to the 
wounded shoulder and cost her any attacked she may have had.  "Ooof!" she said 
as a fist slammed into her abdomen and then her face, knocking her to the 
ground.
	"You're gonna die, bitch!" screamed the sponge soldier, readying a 
massive blow to kill Quite Holy.
	"No!" I screamed as my mind reached out the spongin's sword.  The 
steel liquified in a bright flash, charring the spongin's hands and burned 
through the flesh of its back, charring bone as a sickly sweet bacony sweet 
rose. I saw the blade coming out of the corner of my eye; I just barely 
brought my blade up to stop it from cutting into my flesh.
	Un Holy, distracted by the agonized cries of the spongin next to 
her, lost her machete to a maneuver from one of the swordsmen.  Without 
missing a beat, Un Holy's fists smahed into the swordmen's face, surprising it 
and making it loose its balance.  She grabbed its sword hand behind the thumb, 
twisted hard, and was rewarded by the spongin's cry of pain and the clatter 
of steel on cement.
	Using her leverage to force the sponge face down on the floor, Un 
Holy punched hard on the spongin's joint, neatly breaking its arm and wrist.  
She then grabbed its jaw in one hand and the back of its head in another, as 
it moaned in pain, and twisted hard.  Too late, the sponge realized what 
was happening.  Its life ended with a sharp snapping noise that bounced off 
of the bullet ridden walls.
	Quite Holy, still favoring her wounded arm, pinned the soldier, 
whose sword I had liquified, to the ground and sliced its throat open.  She 
rolled to the side as another sword sliced harmlessly through the air where she 
had been.
	One of the remaining four sponge soldiers, distracted by the 
alarming death rate of its peers, made a distracted attempt at an attack.  I 
broke its defenses with a single motion of my sword.  It cried out weakly as my 
knife pierced through its heart, killing it instantly in a surge of red that 
sprayed onto my hand.
	Un Holy dodged the spongin's demoralized attack and brought her 
machete around hard into its lower chest.  It double over in pain as she struck 
again. The blade ripped a deep furrow in the spongin's back, blood spraying 
from the blade.  She struck again, the blade going deeply into the small of the 
soldiers back.  She kicked the spongin aside and moved to attack the spongin 
on Quite Holy from behind.
	Quite Holy, seeing the Jello Sponge moving to attack Un Holy, 
fumbled her attack as she tried to warn her.  The last soldier's attack failed.
	Un Holy slide her knife into the soldier's back to the hilt and 
pulled visciously upwards.  As the soldier died, blood gurgling out over his 
lips, she felt strong tentacles seize her from behind and jerk her off of her 
feet.
	Too late to stop it, I saw the Jello Sponge lift Un Holy off her 
feet, hold her in mid air, and strike several times on the spine with its 
tentacles. I look at my hunting knife, and in a flash of insight, heated it to a 
bright glowing orange.
	The Jello Sponge hurled Un Holy into the embers of the clothing 
section and turned to face an uncertain Quite Holy.  My knife, glowing white hot 
with a burning handle, whistled through the air at the quivering monstrosity.  
It impacted and buried past the hilt on the creature's 'hip.'
	The beast howled in unholy rage and agony as the hot metal 
causterized its flesh, changing it from a clear jello like substance to a 
grayish, hard substance.  It flailed about wildly trying to expel the hot metal 
from its body.  Finally, if tore the area out of its hip where its flesh has 
cauterized, a bright flow of purplish 'blood' flowing.
	"I'm going to vaporize you for that!" screamed the Jello Beast as 
a huge shower of purple energy encased it.  It screaned suddenly and 
twisted to face Quite Holy, large gashes opened in its side.  Her face went 
blank suddenly and her body fell to the floor, her mind crippled from a 
crushing psionic blow.
	While the beast focused its attention on Quite Holy, I charged, my 
sword heated to a bright yellow.  The blade sizzled as it ripped a 6 inch deep 
cut in the Jello Sponge's side.  It howled so loud I feared for my hearing 
and turned to face me intent of killing.
     It's first tentacle shot out at my skull.  The orange, glowing 
metal met the tentacle mid stroke and neatly severed it off, the blade breaking 
from the forces of the collision.  Another tentacle blurred under my defenses as 
I felt a crushing pain erupt in my stomach.
	I doubled over, unable to cry out.  Another tentacle smashed 
across my back leaving a welt a split second after its departure.  Struggling to 
keep from falling over, I felt down to one knee, the world going red from 
pain.
	The Jello Sponge howled again, but in pain.  I started to recover 
from the blows, drawing breath, and looked around.  To my left was a corpse 
of one of the sponge soldiers who owner a flame thrower....

	"Come on!" screamed a completely enraged Un Holy.  The Sponge 
turned to face her, blood running in a stream down its back from her dual sword 
attack.
	"Your ancestor will recount the pain of your death in their 
nightmares!" screamed the beast, "I'll  ... *Gauuukkkk* ...".  It screamed as I 
hit it with the strongest psionic attack I knew how to mount, exhausting my 
reserves of psi energy in the process.
	Sensing her advantage, Un Holy attacked with both swords, slicing 
into the beast in several places.  Her attack stooped abruptly as a tentacle 
lashed out, struck her about the head, and sent her falling backwards to the 
floor.
	"And now for ... Hey!  Where'd you go?" asked the beast when it 
failed to find me where I'd been. It turned, in growing towards the hissing 
noise of a flame thrower.  "No! Don't ..."
	A huge cone of burning gasoline erupted from the flame thrower and 
shot towards the Jello Beast.  Before it could thing it mount a defense, the 
flames were upon it, burning its flesh into hard, grey matter.  I kept the 
stream constant as I walked towards it, immune to the fire occasionally 
splattering on me.
	"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" screamed the Jello Horror 
as it ran from me, into unburnt sections of the store.  I followed, the flamer 
never closing down, adding to the coats of burning gosline, and catching a lot 
of side items on fire as well.
	After chasing it for about 100 feet, it turned to fight, convinced 
that it couldn't escape me.  I tossed the thrower aside, an uncontrollable 
blaze started on all sides now, and drew the sword I took from one of the dead 
soldiers.
	The Jello Horror began summoning its killing energy field again as 
its flesh blackened and cracked.  I jumped to the side, into a roaring blaze 
that used to be a furntiure section, as the sponge fired.  It energy bolt 
went wide and impacted in the cleaning supplies department, splattering 
flammable and poisonous chemicals all over the store.
	Fire rose is a bright, spreading column from the cleaning supplies 
area as I drew my sword, its metal becoming white hot with the last of my 
psionic energy.  The beast summoned its energy field again, this time far too 
late to do any good.
	I struck fast, my sword striking in a whistling, viscious arc.  A 
full 15" of the blade clove the blackened flesh, sizzling and cutting through 
the thing's torso.  A third of the way trough, I stepped closer, the Jello 
Sponge howling in agony, powerless to stop me.
	The sword ripped still further, the beast's life blood pouring out 
over its hardened black flesh.  As I pushed the sword farther, all life left 
the beast as it crumbled and oozed to the ground.
	"I have to find the Holies," I said, realizing that the fire was 
out of control.  The store would soon be engulfed in flame.


	"There he is!" shouted Half Holy as I emerged from the burning 
section of the store.
	"Well?" asked Most Holy.
	"It's dead.  Very dead."
	"Great!" said Un Holy  "let's get the schneck out of this store 
before it goes completely up in flames."  *cough*
	"This way," I said, leading them off through the thickening smoke 
towards the lawn and gardening section where the back entrance was 
located.  As we ran from the fire which was now consuming most of the front of 
the store, the smoke cleared out significantly.
	We approached the doors to the back of the store.  They were the 
kind of doors comstructed almost completely of glass with that silver coating on 
the inside that them look like mirrors outside.
	Most Holy and myself were the first at the doors.  We pushed them 
open and smelled fresh air as smoke billowed out from around us.  The group 
looked around the parking lot and surrounding area.
	"No people," I said.
	"No cops," said Most Holy.
	"Nothing," said Half Holy.
	"This gives me the creeps," said Not Holy.
	"No reinforcements," said Quite Holy.
	"I don't like it," said Un Holy.  Immediately after her statement, 
several things happened.
	First, CyberPyro, the person with the keenest hearing, noticed it: 
a loud scurrying noise on the roof about them.  When he turned to look, 
his heart sank.  On top of the roof were thousands of little reptilian 
horrors that resembled either the Hell Wyrm, B'Habii B'hopp, or B'Hii J'haa 
except that they were lean, muscular creatures about the size of a cat.  Their 
mouths were full of sharp, needle like teeth and matched by claws which oozed a 
poisonous and corrosive substance.
	"Guys, we have a Big-Ass[tm] problem here," I said, pointing to 
the creatures lining the roof, glaring down at us.  Off to me left, the 
unholy loud screeching huge garage doors being opened to fast.  "I forget about 
the Jello Sponge's 'pets.'  These must be it."
	"Oh, fuck me," said Half Holy, pointing to five huge figures which 
walked out of the Wal-Mart garage.  It became clear that all five were some 
kind of battle robots built to resemble the entities that made them.
	The first one had a sickly yellow and orange body, a disguistingly 
shaped head, and a red baseball cap sitting on top of what could be best 
termed a skull.  It looked like a fifteen foot tall metalic copy of B'Hii J'Haa 
except that it sported a large barreled cannon on one arm, 4 sets of machine 
guns, and a large sword on its back.
	The next had a sickly green and mauve body and was obviously 
intended to look like B'Habii B'Hopp.  It touted a laser cannon on each arm and 
some kind of launcher built into its chest.
	The last, and most putrid, was a hellish mauve and evil green.  It 
had a wide, fat body which was covered with weapons.  In place of a tongue 
was a flame thrower.  On each arm was a set of machine guns and on the 
shoulders, rocket launchers.  We watched in abstract horror as the thing's hips 
opened and two huge, double barreled plasma cannons leveled into place.  The 
hip segments slowly closed around the guns again.
	"RUN!" I screamed as all the Jihaddi started piling back into the 
store. As I stepped through, one of the B'Habii B'Hopp Bots fired its chest 
mounted cannon.  The doorway was covered in what was probably meant to be a net, 
but what looked to be a large, felt blankee with holes cut in it.
	"NOW WHAT DO WE DO?!?" asked Most Holy.
	"Back through the store ..."
	"Are you crazy?" he asked.  The doorways behind us exploded from 
plasma cannon fire, scattering burning chunks of materials all over the store.  
As the last pieces fell, the wall to the store cracked for a titanic blow.
	" ... and out the loading docks," I said as merchandise tumbled to 
the floor from where one of the bots was smashing through the wall.
	"Let's go," said Half Holy leading the G-Team back into the 
inferno.  As we entered the thick of the smoke, the wall in the gardening 
section collapsed in a loud crash.  The first bot was now inside the store.
	"Zig zag!  Split up and run for the south west corner!  Now!" I 
ordered. As we split up, the partition wall between the main sales floor and the 
more voluminous gardening area exploded.  Burning cinder blocks flew through 
the air and came down in a deadly rain on the floor.
	<*BOOM*> One of the B'Hii J'haa bots fired its cannon.  A split 
second later, most of the tupper ware and platic kitchen parts aisle exploded, 
in a rising mushroom cloud.
	Plastic fragments reigned down on all the Jihaddi as they ran for 
the south west corner, having to cross about 5 acres of floor to get there.  
The B'Hii J'haa bots chain guns opened fire, trying to locate Jihaddi.
	The fish tanks is the pets section died a gruesome death as the 
second B'hii J'haa bot smashed through the wall several yards down from the 
original. It opened fire as well, its crossfire shreading aisle after aisle of 
merchandise.
	The B'habii B'hopp bots joined their kin, their laser cannons 
blazing off into the roiling blast smoke.  The furniture section was smashed to 
tooth picks under the assault of one of the bots....

...

	"I really hate this," I said to myself as the world started to 
explode around me.  Ahead of me, the bathroom decorations section took a direct 
hide and exploded in a rain of burning shower curtains, towel bars, drain 
plugs, and other such things.
	I began to fear for my human friends; they were not immune to the 
fire in this place, nor heat, nor the smoke.  My fears were alayed when I 
arrived at the  door to the stock room and found them all inside.  I crashed 
through the doors as all four bots targeted me and fired.
	The area I just left melted and shattered from laser and chain gun 
fire. The other Jihaddi wasted no time and ran south to the loading docks of 
the store.

...

	We heard a train going by outside and popped open one of the empty
loading docks.  There we saw a beatiful sight: 2 fully armored TRES APCs 
sat waiting for the train to go by.  Behinds them were the W.E.D.J.E.E. 
weapons van!
	"YES!" I exclaimed, jumping down from the docks, signalling wildly 
to the Jihad vehicles.  Upon sighting me, the person that requested the 
help, the TRES Troopers, fully equipped in battle armor, XRifles[tm], 
P.A.W.s[tm], and Sponge Guns[tm], began getting out of the APCs and heading our 
way.

...

	I opened the back of the W.E.D.J.E.E. weapons van, grinning like a 
kid in a candy store, and selected my weapons for the upcoming battle.  As I 
rapidly suited up, I briefly in CO of the TRES Troops and gave the 
W.E.D.J.E.E. drivers orders.
	"I'm not getting in that contraption!" yelled Half Holy, the 
eternal technophobe, as he eyed the BattleArmor offered to him by TRES 
personnel. 	"You guys don't know how to use BattleArmor?" I asked.
	"They don't, I do," said Most Holy.  "I *am* in the Legion of DOOM 
and we use BattleArmor fairly often."
	"Alright, suit up.  Order the Holies to leave; I'll have a 
W.E.D.J.E.E. van get them out of here." I said.  "They'll get eaten alive here 
otherwise."

...

	"Alright troops, here's the deal," I started on the intercom built 
into the BattleArmor as the W.E.D.J.E.E. van pulled away with the Holies in 
the back.  "We've got five bots, all of which I've never seen before.  I've 
no idea what their abilities are, or their weaknesses.
	"Everyone switch to infrared and ultraviolet range scans on your 
visors. The smoke coming out of the store will obscure vision; we can't have 
blind Jihaddi running around.  Now, everyone concentrate fire on the bot I 
specify when they appear."

...

	As thick, black smoke rolled out of the Wal-Mart, a wave of little 
lizard like creatures came pouring over the roof.  They landed in the 
parking lot and started a group charge towards where the Jihaddi were waiting.
	"CHEW!  CHEW!  CHEW!" screamed the demons all in unison as they 
ducted under abandoned cars, ran around vans, and climbed over trucks.
	"Fire," I ordered.  The air ionized as over one hundred plasma 
rifles fired at the same time and filled with shells from grenade launchers.  
Now, given that the Jihaddi were all shooting at targets about the size of a 
cat, it was natural to assume they would miss a good portion of the time.
	As per Murphy's Law, they did.  The damage, after the first round 
of firing, was a couple of hundred dead demons, several burning vehicles, 
and one van that exploded, flipped over in mid air, and landed on its top.
	Despite the damage, the demons kept coming, screaming "CHEW!" the 
whole time they advanced.  We again opened fire, killing more an they crossed 
the empty space from the parking lot to out position.
	I watched in grief as 3 TRES soldiers were swarmed by the demons, 
unable to defend themselves from the sheer numbers.  The monsters' claws 
quickly figured out how to undo the seals to the battle armor.  The three 
soldiers, deprived of the protection of their armor, were quickly torn into a 
bloody pulp by the monsters.
	Realizing that their comrades were beyond saving, several nearby 
troops opened fire again.  Demons fell from their bodies in charred husks and 
twitching fragments of flesh.  Sensing their vulnerable position, the horde 
retreated back to the cover of the cars, loosing several of their members in 
the process.
	 The wall of the Wal-Mart cracked, black smoke leaking out of the 
fractures.  It then collapsed outwards, a robotic B'Hii J'Haa stepping 
through the hole, followed by another of its kind.  I grabbed my P.A.W.  
(Personal Artillery Weapon), gave orders to the troops with my weapon type,  and 
aimed at the lead 'bot.
	My gun made a hollow, thumping noise as two 50mm armored piercing 
shells spend towards their target.  My shells passed through empty air when the 
B'Hii J'haa bot used to be.  The bot itself jumped forwards and to the side, 
neatly avoiding the massive explosion coming from within Wal-Mart as all the 
shells detonated.
	The roof of the building creaked and sagged visibilty in a couple 
of places.  As it landed, the bot took aim and fired.  The shell from its 
cannon whined as it flew through the air.  It struck a TRES trooper in the 
upper chest, ripping through the armor, and instantly killing the human 
underneath as it exploded in a cloud of gore.
	The quad machine guns locked on a another trooper and fired.  The 
soldier straggered backwards, its armor visibly denting, and then breaching 
under the heavy assault of bullets.  The trooper fell to the ground, blood 
pouring out of the armor from several holes.
	The second B'Hii J'Haa bot took a different approach.  It grabbed 
a Yugo that had had its windows shattered from plasma fire, picked it up over 
its head, and then threw it in the direction of the TRES Corps troops.  They 
scattered, fearing the flying chunk of metal, and lost any kind of tactical 
coherency.  The car landed on a trooper, killing him instantly.
	An intensely bright bream of light struck out from the black smoke 
of the burning Wal-Mart.  The beam melted the head and shoulders off of a 
trooper in BattleArmor.
	A robotic B'Habii B'hop stepped out of the roiling smoke and fired 
its chest cannon.  A wad of felt-lime material landed on a trooper and it 
was drug back to the bot.  It picked the tropper up in both hands, and 
physically twisted it in hand, a rain of blood falling out of the shattered 
armor.
	The bot that resembled the Hell Wyrm rolled out from around the 
corner of Wal-Mart.  A crossfire of dual plasma cannon killed another two 
troopers.  It became overly obvious that the machines had trapped us in a 
crossfire and destabilized out defenses.
	"CHARGE!" I ordered and the mass of troops ran forward, XRifles 
blazing. Our fire centered on a B'Habii B'hop bot emerging from the shattered 
wall.  It fell back, it's torso and arms melting from the plasma barrage.
	Its armor cracked in a couple of places.  The TRES troopers 
sensing their advantage, fired several P.A.W. shells into the weakened area.  
The bot's chest cracked, flashed brilliantly as its power source melted 
down, and then exploded in a shower of glittering metal fragments.  The useless 
framework fell back into the smoke from which it came, making a screeching 
noise as it fell.
	The remaining B'Habii B'hopp bot fired all of its weapons, but 
missed. The first B'Hii J'haa bot leaped at the advancing troops, its sword held 
high. It landed in front of a trooper and brought its sword down in a deadly 
arc.
	The sword clove the trooper nearly in half.  The bot shoved the 
corpse off of its blade with a loud screeching noise and struck against.  The 
next trooper faired no better, his chest clove nearly in two by the force of 
the blow.
	The second B'Hii J'Haa bot targeted me directly and fired.  The 
shells of its cannon anhillitated the Dodge van behind were I was standing when 
it fired.  Its quad chain guns tore up numerous cars, glass flying 
everywhere in a crystalline shower, as I ran between the vehicles to avoid its 
weapons.
	I pulled two high explosive, armor piercing shells from their 
holster and slid them into the P.A.W.  Popping up from behind a bullet ridden 
car, I fired at the bot's head assembly, but struck the area immediately below 
it. The force of the two explosions crossed in a powerful effect; nearly all 
sensory gear was ripped from the bot's head.
	The B'Hii J'haa bot stumbled forwards, tripped, and landed face 
first into a wood sided station wagon.  The windows exploded outwards as the 
tires blew and the axels broke from the weight of the bot.  The demons, who 
hid up until now, responded to some command and began to swarm towards us 
again.
	"Retreat around the south side," I ordered.  The TRES troops fired
plasma rounds into the approaching horde as we made our way around the 
corner into the side parking lot.  The maneuver gave us one clear advantage: 
the bots had to keep pressing their attack, but could not do it as a group, as 
they were spread out.
	A robotic replica of B'Hii J'Haa and B'habii B'hopp stomped around 
the corner of the smoldering Wal-Mart and fired.  A felt-like net ensnared a 
TRES trooper who was quickly drug into the merciless claws of the bot.
	The B'hii J'haa replica fired its cannon and missed, but detonated 
several automobiles.  Its chain guns were more accurate, wounding five 
troopers.
	I held my fire, using my cybernetics to pick a very vulnerable 
area, as the other Jihaddi returned fire.  The bot literally danced backwards 
from the force of the troop's retaliation, its armor flowing off of it in a rain 
of liquid metal.
	The visual noise surrounding the bot cleared a little and I fired.  
The shells from the P.A.W. fired straight, punched through its lower left 
torso, and hit what must have been its ammo supply.  The bot's entire torso 
ripped apart in a violent explosion, propelling sharpnel is all directions, 
consumed by a rising fire ball.
	I heard the screams of a trooper who died from sharpnel and others 
who were wounded by it.  Two other TRES troopers went down, swarmed by the 
demons who had managed to avoid the explosion.  I felt a sense of wrongness and 
looked in time to see the last B'hii J'haa bot fire its cannon at me.
	The shell struck my armor dead center, propelling my body in one 
direction and my consciousness in another.  My armor flew back, smashed 
through the side of a Hostess delivery truck, and came to a halt, half buried in 
Twinkies, Hohos, and other Unhealthy Snacks[tm].
	"No!" screamed Most Holy as he saw CyberPyro get struck with a 
shell. He coldly assessed the situation, knowing this was no time for random 
emotions, and decided to take command.
	"Troops, slag the B'habii B'hopp.  You five, check on Commander 
Marburger," he ordered, waiving them off when his fellow Jihaddi lay.  Most 
Holy opened fire with his XRifle set on full auto, plastering the front of 
the B'habii B'hop bot with plasma bolts.
	The bot returned fire, melting two troopers down.  It staggered 
backwards, thousands of plasma bolts slamming into it body.  The bot finally 
tumbled over, crashing through the wall into a burning Wal-Mart as multiple 
P.A.W. rounds slammed into it.
	The last B'hii J'haa bot fired, but failed to inflict any damage 
on the Jihaddi, and accidently killed several of the demons fighting with it.  
The horde scarcely took notice as it devoured two wounded troopers and 
shreaded two who were unable to escape them.
	The remaining troopers, not needing instructions, opened fire on 
the only bot left standing.  A few lucky shots penetrated the armor 
protecting the pilot of the bot, killing it instantly.  The machinery, no longer 
commanded by an itelligent being, fell to ground useless technology.

....

	"Commander Marburger!" I voice called as a hand grasped my 
shoulder and shook me.  Pain stabbed throughout my body and brought me wide 
awake.  Unconsciously, I struck out at the source of the pain, knocking the 
trooper trying to wake me across the truck where he bounced off of the wall.
	"Nice to see you're away," he said, recovering from the shock but 
unharmed due to the BattleArmor's protection.
	"I feel like shit," I said as my assessment mechanisms started 
feeding me data.  "I have at least one cracked rib, probably a concussion, no 
internal bleeding though."
	"Yes, sir," said the lead trooper.
	"Well, ugh, let's get back at it, shall we?" I asked, wincing from 
the pain of sitting up.
	"Sir, I ..."
	"... can fight just fine, trooper.  Now let's go," I said.

....

	Most Holy could guess, from the rumbling in the ground, that the 
Hell Wyrm bot was getting close to them.  He gave the order for the troopers 
to kill the demons with all possible expediency.
	A few moments later the demons, finally caught out in the open, 
faced a hot plasma death as all fire concentrated on them.  The Jihaddi raised 
their weapons high, cheering for victory as the Hell Wyrm bot rolled into 
view. The cheers changes to cry of disgust as the Jihaddi saw the mechanical 
monstrosity roll into view.
	"Back up," commanded Most Holy.  The TRES troops began pulling 
back, dodging in and around the cars in the parking lot.  The bot of B'Habii 
B'hop drug itself out of the burning Wal-Mart as the Hell Wyrm bot locked on 
targets.
	The huge plasma cannons roared, slagging down 5 TRES troopers 
where they stood.  The Hell Wyrm bot's shoulder mounted missles fired, both 
struck  a trooper in the abdomen, tearing the battle armor in half.  The chain 
guns on its arms whirled and then fired.  The set of chain guns on the left arm 
tore a trooper close to it apart, the BattleArmor failing under such a high 
degree of assault.
	The chain guns on the rigt arm fired, tearing through the helmet 
of one unlucky Jihaddi, and punching holes in various places on the amor of 
five other troopers.  The flame thrower in its mouth roared, badly burning a
Jihaddi inside of his armor due to its intensity.
	"All troops, fire on the Hell Wyrm bot, full auto," I commanded as 
the troopers began to break apart, afraid of the mechanical monstrosity.  
The TRES troopers, cheering in surprise, happy that their Commander was alive, 
fired everything they had at the Wyrm bot.
	The vile B'harnii like bot stood its ground, miffed at the damage 
it was taking from all of the troopers' weapons.  Its armor was pitted and 
blackened, but by no means breached.
	"The five of you, target the B'Habii B'hop bot with me," I 
ordered.  The six of us sighted the B'hop bot in our XRifle[tm] scopes and 
fired.  Our streams of plasma converged slightly about the bot's gut, melted 
through it armor, and its vital power source underneath.
	All six of us pumped the grenade launcher on our rifles and fired.
Most of the shells slammed into area around the exposed machine, but 
several made it in.  Dark gray smoke rolled out around the bot's neck, huge 
electrical shock waves racking its body, as it prepared to die.  With a loud 
crackling noise that could be heard from our position, the B'Habii B'hopp bot 
erupted in flames and crashed to the ground.
	The roof and walls of the local Wal-Mart began to creak loudly, 
visibly buckling from the hear of the fire inside in several places.  The Hell 
Wyrm bot ignored the collapsing architecture and fired again.  The dual 
plasma cannons fragged six troopers, their armor and flesh charged from the 
instensity of the weapons.  The dual rockets shreaded half of a trooper how 
tried to retreat around a car.
	Both set of chain guns roared, cutting down two troopers where the 
stood and lightly wounded eight more.  The flame thrower, nestled in its 
mouth, sizzled to life, cooking a trooper inside of her armor.
	The Jihaddi had now backed fully into the main parking lot of Wal-
Mart. The scattered about as per orders and took up defensive positions.
	I loaded 2 armor piercing shells into my P.A.W.[tm], rested it on 
the hood of a car, and waited for the Wyrm bot.  The roof of the Wal-Mart 
convulsed, then collapsed inwards in several places, fire and smoke roaring 
upwards. As well, the walls of the store in some places collapsed inwards as the 
ceiling came down.
	The Wyrm bot rumbled around the corner into full view of the 
Jihaddi scattered about.  They opened fire, the air crackling with energy from 
all the plasma streams.  Multiple P.A.W.[tm] rounds slammed into the bot's front 
and side, blowing up large sections of armor only to reveal: more armor.
	Most Holy, sensing extreme danger, threw himself in one side 
behind in pick up truck.  Rockets from the bots shoulders screeched through the 
air where he had been.
	"Oh, shit!" he exclaimed as the rockets kept going until they 
impacted on the Wal-Gas Station near the entrance to the parking lot.  The pumps 
exploded in a cloud of flame and metal shards.  The gasoline lines, free from 
a cap, erupted into burning geysers.  The showers of gasoline soon turned 
everything in a 200 foot radius of the station into a burning waste land.  A 
wind blew east, carrying the streams farther into the parking lot and towards 
the Jihaddi.
	The Hell Wyrm bot fired its plasma cannons, fragging two troopers.  
Its chain guns failed to wound or kill anyone, but chewed up the cars in the 
parking lot rather well.  The bot stopped moving, the pilot trying to assess 
its situation.
	My P.A.W.[tm] made a hollow thumping noise as my shells streaked 
towards their target.  The armor piercing shells punched through the thined 
armor on the bot's left plasma rifle.  The weapon exploded it a shower of sparks 
and molten metal.
	The forty six unwounded and thirteen wounded TRES troopers 
returned fire as Most Holy and myself took careful aim again.  Armor peeled off 
of the bot, surrendering to the physics of mass plasma bolt hits, grenade and 
P.A.W.[tm] shell impacts.
	The bot turned, fired its good plasma cannon, and slagged three 
troopers who were trying to move from cover.  Its chain guns fired again, this 
time wounding four more troopers.  Then the bot did the most heinous thing 
imaginable: its mouth opened, revealing huge 50,000 watt speakers.  The Hell 
Wyrm's War Chant boomed thoughout the area, drowning out the noise of the final 
collapse of the burning Wal-Mart.
	I fired my last two P.A.W.[tm] shells, trying desperately not to 
hurl inside of my BattleArmor, directly at the speakers.  The shells punched 
though the right speaker, exploded and destroyed the stereo appartus.  The 
explosion carried partially up into the pilot's cockpit, moderately wounding 
him.
	Most Holy fired his carefully aimed P.A.W.[tm] as well.  The armor 
piercing shells puched through the armor on the bot's other plasma rifle.  
The cannon exploded like the other, in a shower of sparks, metal fragments, 
and burning electronic components.
	The remaining thirty nine unwounded troopers and the seventeen 
wounded ones fired the last of their P.A.W.[tm] and plasma rounds at the bot.  
The armor on its right side, already badly damaged, finally collapsed from 
the assault of shells.
	Most Holy, myself, and several troopers who had a little left, 
fired at the armorless area.  The right half of the bots body exploded on a 
cloud of sparks and liquid metal.  Our plasma bolts and grenades shells struck 
its half full ammo boxes, shattered its power source, and blew out multiple 
systems that were critical to its operation.
	The bot teetered drunkly to one side as its right arm fell off and 
then crashed sideways as its leg assembly ripped out of the body frame.  The 
pilot ejected, it's control capsule flying out of the top of the bots head and
landing about 400 feet from its head.
	"I want him alive," I ordered.  A full squad of TRES troops ran 
off, in undamaged battle armor, to hunt down the spongin pilot.
	The battle was over.  Wal-Mart finished its burning collapse 
surrounded by several hundred totaled cars, a burning gas station, smoldering 
asphalt, shattered bots, and numerous corpses of demons and TRES personnel.

				  T  H  E    E  N  D

Epilouge...

	Commander Marburger stood with Most Holy of M.A.U.L. (also LoD) 
and the surviving fifty six members of the TRES Corps team in full dress uniform 
at the Grand Jihaddi cemetary.  The families of their fallen comrades, as 
well as many Jihaddi, came to pay their last respects.
	Half Holy's face twitched as the coffin which contained the 
remains of one of his men, Stoopid Holy who had become the Puddin' Sponge, was 
lowered into the ground.  He hated loosing people under in his squad and, 
somehow, he never got used to it.
	Several people in the gathered families wept openly, some 
silently. They were accompanied by many members of the survivng team who deeply 
missed their fallen friends.
	The mothers and/or fathers of the fallen warriors walked up to 
their children's graves and tossed the first handful of dirt onto the coffins.  
They stepped back, finally releasing their lost family members, as the 
cemetary workers began filling in the holes with shovelfuls of dirt.
	I drew my sword, and held it up to the sky.  All the other Jihaddi 
drew their blades in unison and held them up to the sky.
	"B'HARNII MUST DIE!  ALL ELSE IS IRRELEVANT!" we shouted in 
unison.