Article: 1886 of alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die From: mcdaniel@stein2.u.washington.edu (H.M.) Newsgroups: alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die Subject: Story: The 'B' Files 001 Date: 21 Oct 1993 04:58:29 GMT Organization: University of Washington Lines: 165 Message-ID: <2a54tl$r6u@news.u.washington.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: stein.u.washington.edu Summary: story about secret government organization Keywords: The 'B' Files Status: OR (C) 10-1993 by H. McDaniel. All rights Reserved. In particular, this may not be reposted without the permission of the author. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Story 001 THE \\ BBBBBBBBB // BB BBB BB BB BBBBBBBBBB BB BB BB BBB BBBBBBBBB FILES This file and any others to be printed under this title have come from the secret realms of the Social Maintenance Service (SMS) an organization formed during the earlier days of the "Mickey Mouse Club" television show. At that time it was established that future generations might well be in grave danger should a public figure so completely artificial (and popular) as the "Mouse" be used by its creators for a political or social agenda. The U.S. government has never admitted to the existence of the SMS but former and present members have begun to speak. It is their hope, and apparently that of the SMS (as no protest to this article has been raised,) that a greater public awareness will aide in the battle against "puppet propaganda" -- Using artificial personas as to attack one group while shielding those behind the puppet from direct public attack. The following comes from a source within the SMS: Marked > FOR YOUR EYES ONLY Index : 45370.12.001 Date : 10/10/1993 Type : Field Report Filed by : Luranne Marsley, agent #45370 On the night of Sun, Oct 10 1993 a covert operation code named "Unpuff the Dragon" was assigned to this agent by the Director of the service. All later files will only refer to this assignment as either "the operation" or "Unpuff the Dragon." A team under my command consisting of agents Jones, Etman and Jude (agent numbers in attached sheet) is now engaged in the hunt for who I believe is the chief leader and organizer of current puppet propaganda in several public mediums. The select congressional committee for the surgical removal of all artificial public figures has approved funding and authorized the use of "deadly force with extreme prejudice" by members of my team (order lhs75221.) A list of APFs has been drawn up using lottery order for listing with greater weight given to those personalities with greatest audience, media coverage and obvious intent to harm the United States of America and the World. The alien-identification-recognition number assigned to one public figure topped the list: 98770067-9981, one "Barney." This creature has appeared, in public at least, as a purple "dragon" character. I had reason to suspect that it is in fact something quite other than the "cute" (so some claim) plump, "innocent" appearance. A mission was launched intended to discredit the dragon by showing the world what lies beneath the thick foam hide. Our failure was a highly publicized event in which certain persons in the employ of this agency made a futile attempt to remove the head of the barney creature. The employees were too anxious. They were told to simply hold the beast' head down while other agents moved in with the industrial chainsaw. Crude perhaps, but effective. Unfortunately members of the Barney KGB were on hand and quickly subdued our people. It should be stressed that those captured are not agents but mere minions, completely ignorant of this organization, and details of the mission. More recently the team was able to make secret x-rays of the purple beast as it walked through an airport hallway during a recent visit to Washington D.C. The pictures produced by our technicians appear to show a humanoid bone structure, modified joints, enlarged cranial size, dual horns, massive muscle mass and enlarged optical sockets-- Hideous beast most similar to the popular concept of the great Beast from hell. I hesitate to report it, but the pictures are most disturbing. They gave me cause for pause. I could almost make out the glowing red eyes, drooling faded yellow fangs, mangled claws, clumps of underarm hair hanging like tree roots, snorts of black smoke... I suggest the service make this information public knowledge, so that there will be less objections raised when the operational phase to permanently remove Barney begins. Meanwhile the discovery has prompted me to caution all agents against fighting the creature on its terms. "Use all means at your disposal" is the operative order. Grenade launchers have been issued to all forward field operatives. Operational guidelines: It has been decided (subject to your approval) that the operation shall proceed in three phases: I. Selective elimination of persons involved with the promotion of Barney. II. Termination of Barney (hopefully a public hanging over a roaring fire -- suit still on.) III. Should phase I. have removed any public officials, such as members of congress, the supreme court, or the White House, steps will be taken to consolidate power under a completely new democratic order: Barney haters will get 2 votes, others none. ....... Well that's the text of the file handed to me by someone in the SMS. If you have any info about activities against Barney, which the SMS can claim responsibility ( such as bombings, looting, etc.) let me know. Oh yeah, here's a list of things to do whenever Barney haters come together: (Oh yeah, For legal reasons I must say: Someone gave me this list - Ha Ha HA.) 1.) Find a Barney lover, gag with an old sock and plenty of electrical tape, then sew them into a barney suit. Take them for a ride on the highway, then drop them off a few miles from town. If a Barney hating truck driver doesn't see them first, they'll be lucky and just die of dehydration. As an extra twist you may want to tape some walkman earphones to their head, and leave a Barney tape playing on the highest volume setting before sewing them into the suit. 2.) If Barney is in town, go to him and toss a lit smoke bomb down his throat. The kids will love to see him "breathe" fire. Of course they may get confused when the fire seems to take control -- MU AHA HA HA HA HA HA. -McDaniel