From: Bobby Cox (legends@die.spammers.die.ix.net.au) Subject: Anzac Jihad - a story (Part 2) Newsgroups: alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die Date: 1997/06/05 This is Part Two of my little Jihad-related story. I hope you like it! * * * * * Mick and Tony were listening via headphones to the calls that were coming in. And they were in total disbelief. "How dare you insult Barney..." "I *love* Barney..." "Don't you know that Barney loves you?" Mick was the first to find his voice. "What the hell is that all about?" Peter Grace, their producer, said, "I dunno guys, but it started as soon as you started slagging off Barney the dinosaur." "Vicki, you're the computer genius around here. Why don't you jump on the Internet and see what you can find out about Barney," Tony said, almost in shock due to what he was hearing. If the callers were children he might be able to understand the reason. But since a fair proportion of the callers were *adults*, he could find no reasonable explanation. Just then, Sanchia signalled that the song was nearly over. "C'mon Mick," Tony said as he moved back to the studio. "We've got a show to do." *** Turbo was incredulous. B'harnii, taking Australia *by storm*? Just then, the phone rang. "City Morgue. You stab 'em, we slab 'em." "Hi Bobby." "Oh, hi Bec. What's up?" "Are you listening to Martin/Molloy?" "Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?" "I'll take that as a yes. Have you heard what they're saying?" "Yeah, but I can't believe it." "Well, I can. My sister told me that her kids *love* the stupid show. What do you know about it?" "Just what I've read on the Internet. Apparently it's a truly dire American show that might have bad effects on kids who watch it." "I can believe that. My sister tells me that her kids watch it religously *every* day, and that they're miserable because they can't watch him on weekends." Turbo was staggered. Those kids were being spongfied. Maybe already spongified, if his ears were working correctly and hadn't decided to take a vacation. "Does your sister watch it with them and try to explain that it isn't real life?" "She does now, but they don't listen to her. Apparently, she used it to get the little rugrats out of her hair for half an hour while she got dinner started. I think she's realised her mistake." Suddenly Bec's voice changed. "You know more about this than you're telling me." It was not a question. Turbo pondered. How to tell her? Should he tell her? He had no idea what her reaction would be. Would she go into hysterics? Would she just hang up, thinking him crazy? "Just what I've picked up over the Internet," he replied, hedging. "Riiiiiiight..." Obviously dubious, but not willing to press any further. "Anyway, I just thought you should know. 'Bye." "'Bye." He hung up and listened to Tony and Mick dissect current events in their own unique way. *** The next song had just started when Vicki dumped a pile of papers on the desk. "Alright guys, this is everything I could find on Barney. A lot of it is anti-Barney. Obviously, quite a few people dislike him in America." "Not just 'dislike', Vicki. Try 'hate'," Mick said, pointing to a piece of paper titled 'The Jihad to Destroy Barney the Purple Dinosaur'. Quickly skimming it, he said musingly, "If what these guys says is true, then Barney isn't what he appears to be. Any members of this 'Jihad' in Australia?" Vicki pointed to a sheet titled, 'TRES Corps Personnel Roster'. "Just the one, I'm afraid, Mick." The name she pointed to was 'Lieutenant Turbo', along with an email address. "Drop him an email and find out what he knows." *** Newsbreak time. Turbo used the opportunity to power up his computer and check his email. Apart from the usual lame attempts at spam (which all received the same quick punishment - mailbombing, plus a notification to their ISP), there was just the one message. Turbo's eyes widened in amazement when he saw who it was from. "Your name came up in a search of personnel of 'The Jihad to Destroy Barney the Purple Dinosaur'. Do you have any info you could send us? "Much appreciated, "Mick and Tony "PS Attached is a sample of calls that we got when we launched into Barney. What do you make of them?" Opening the attached audio file, he listened in amazement. He fired off a quicky reply, explaining that the callers were sponge minios, meaning that exposure to B'harnii had turned their brains into sponge, rendering them incapable of independant thought and suceptible to any of the Hell Wyrm's commands. He also included a quick reprise of the Jihad's struggles against the Hell Wyrm, including Operations Phoenix and Pacifica. After attaching a copy of the Jihad FAQ and the TRES Corps FAQ and sending the reply, he powered up his JihadLinker. This had to be reported at once. -- Lieutenant Turbo (aka Bobby Cox) Theta Squad, TRES Corps, Jihad to Destroy B'harnii legends@ix.net.au B---- SPG----F++++ R&D !ND TIJ---- ODD++ MAG PSI IRC+ JW++ ABD4+++++ !MST RPG (but I'd like to) GF++++ GG+++ GM+++++ GMO+++ !VECH Note: Reply-to address mangled to foil spamming mail-bots. I think you know what to get rid of...