From: steve_scott@mail.utexas.edu (Warrior Ashur Galand) Subject: Op: Phoenix: "Keep on Truckin'..." Date: 1996/02/19 Message-ID: <4gat30$i8l@geraldo.cc.utexas.edu> organization: WEDJEE Command, Jihad to Destroy Barney reply-to: steve_scott@mail.utexas.edu newsgroups: alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die 'Keep On Truckin' ~/o Heard of a van that is loaded with weapons, packed up and ready to roll. Heard of some gravesites out by the highway, a place where nobody knows. The sound of gunfire, off in the distance...I'm gettin' used to it now. Lived in a brownstone, lived in a ghetto, I..I've lived all over this town. This ain't no party! This ain't no Disco! This ain't no foolin around! No time for dancing, or lovery dovey...I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THAT NOWWW!!! o\~ ## Talking Heads, 'Life During Wartime' El Paso, TX A McDonald's near Ft. Bliss Just after sundown --------------------------- I blipped into reality again after a rather rough teleport just outside a McDonald's near Ft. Bliss, TX. It had been a long time since I was near enough to my birthplace, so I allowed myself a moment of nostalgia...but only a moment. I looked to the Mickey-D's parking lot, and didn't see what I was looking for...I walked around, still searching, and smiled to myself, "Bingo." as I turned the corner. In the vacant lot behind the McDonald's stood a fleet of 20 semis, painted jet black, with a red stripe down the side. The MACC Trucks, or Mobile Armored Combat Caravan, as they were more formally known. Making sure my rank was on straight, I marched up to the primary Command and Commo truck, looking for the convoy commander. Instead, I found a bored- looking Trooper standing guard and chatting with the Troopers who were bringing him his relief and dinner...9-piece McNuggets, Coke, and Fries...my personal favorite. "ATTEN-SHUN!" was shouted as one of them spotted me. I smiled, in spite of myself. I certainly didn't assign greenies to this bunch without a damn good reason. "At ease," I said as I walked closer to them. "I need to find the CO of this convoy. Where is he?" The guard Trooper straightened up even more (if that was even possible) and said, "Sir! First Sergeant Hobbes is in the restaurant, Sir!" "Roger that, Trooper. Now sit down and eat your dinner...and enjoy it..it may be the last McDonald's you get in awhile..." The troops looked at me with surprise and a little fear. Good. Surprise would wear off eventually, but fear might keep some of them alive. "Why's that, Sir?" With a heavy heart, I said, "Because, Trooper...the Jihad is at war." With that, I walked into the McDonald's. ---------------------- Inside the Mickey-D's. ---------------------- "Is there a First Sergeant Hobbes in here?" I said as I looked around. I had never met the man, except as a piece of paper in the personnel files when I took over WEDJEE. A compactly built woman with short-cropped red hair sauntered up to me, and said, "Yeah, I'm Hobbes. Who wants to know?" Coughing slightly, not only to look like I was drawing attention to something but also to hide my natural reaction to this lady Jihaddi, I tapped my shoulder patch, and the WEDJEE-CO insignia on my shoulder. Her eyes got wide, and she instantly snapped to attention. "ON YOUR FEET!" she shouted, and the rest of the group snapped-to as well. Waving off this I felt unnecessary display of martial respect, I yelled, "As you were! Go back to eating your food, troops." Thinking I could use some myself, I walked over to the counter and ordered a meal similar to the guard's: 9-pc McNuggets with BBQ sauce, Large Fries, and a Coke. I added a shake as an afterthought, showing the clerk my 'All you can eat' card. Taking my tray, I guided Hobbes over to an empty table. "Sit down, Hobbes...you and I have to talk." "What about, sir?" Just then, every JihadLinker in the room started screaming, making a cacophony of electronic shrieks. I pulled up the display, and saw the following list, my eyes wide. Total Messages waiting: 7256 FROM: MailBomber@X'Hirjq.fleet.mil SUBJ: You've got mail! And lots of it, too! ---- FROM: HQ-OD@TRES.mail.JihadNet.mil SUBJ: HQ threatened by large force; all units... ---- FROM: X'ehmahr@G'l'zakk.X'hirjq.fleet.mil SUBJ: My Trophy for the Invasion ATCH: A/V data. Shutting off that damnable alarm, I did a deletion-dump of the mailbomber messages and sent them to electronic oblivion. I read the TRES HQ message, and it confirmed what the Trooper at the now defunct WEDJEE HQ had told me. I then watched the message from the X'Hirjq commander, and snarled in rage. Almost by themselves, sharp claws started to sprout from my hands. I noticed them, and pulled them back in. That was a surprise I'd want to save for later. "So...now you know why I'm here, Hobbes." She looked at me as if I had suddenly grown another head. "No, with all due respect, Sir, I don't! I mean, my entire snecking world has just turned upside down and you expect me to understand it?" I sighed. "You can drop the 'Sir' Hobbes...I personally don't rest upon pomp and circumstance, especially in situations like this. Call me Galand. Anyway..we've got a huge-ass fleet in orbit, large ground forces massing on TRES HQ in Colorado, and WEDJEE HQ in Iowa has been wasted. Now, I need you and your convoy to go to Colorado with me to help out TRES Corps. Maybe if we show this bunch of walking leather luggage that we mean business, and that we mean to keep our world, they'll pack off, hopefully kicking the Purple Pustule in the arse for ever suggesting they come here." She shook her head. "Forget it...YOU are the reason they're here, aren't you?" "ME?!? Explain." "You're the one that killed B'Harnii's last incarnation, aren't you? That would make you Purple Enemy Number One in his book!" By this time, we were nose to nose, shouting at each other. "Oh yeah? Well let me tell you, missy-- "--Missy?!? Just who the goddam snecking hell do you think you are anyways, because--" "--I happen to be your CO, and if you'll shut the sneck up and listen--" "--Why should I? You never called, you never wrote..." "--Getting killed by the HellWyrm tends to make you desire a bit of revenge! Eye for an eye, sliced off head for sliced off head!" "WHAT?!?" She stopped arguing and stared at me. "I said, he killed me first. It was only thru luck, and a bit of magic someone sent me during the WorldWalk mission that I was able to reincarnate. Now will you listen to me, and hear what I have to say?" "Yessir...err, Yes Galand." We both sat back down. "Now...there's about 65,000 Spoungin heading the assault, but they're just cannon fodder to cover the 80,000 or so Lizard troops behind them... Those are the REAL worry, and I'm afraid BMB's may not work on them, since they're not spoungin and hence, cannot be desponged. What have you got in the way of lethal weaponry?" "Just some blasters, rocket launchers, a couple BFG's and a few Particle Beam Rifles..." "Got any BattleSuits?" "We have ONE. A Ginsu-class." I hmmed to myself, and thought for a moment. It was time to put my new skills to the test. "I need about 20 of your men, Hobbes. I'm going to try to open a portal to the WEDJEE Armory in Austin, so we can retrieve some heavy weaponry and about a dozen Reapers." "You got 'em." She said with a smile. "Great. Let's go." I said, leading the way outside, behind the trucks. I stood, trying to summon the power I'd need for this. I threw my hands out, and mumbled a few words to help the power along. A shimmering Gate slowly swirled open, and on the other side, I saw the interior of the Armory, buried underground. "GO!" I shouted. "I can't hold it open for long!" I was already sweating profusely from the effort. A couple dozen troops swarmed into the Gate and grabbed everything in sight, then handed it through the Gate to the troops on this side, who began loading it on the trucks. PBR's, Components to build a Particle Beam Cannon to mount on the trucks, and a dozen Reaper Class Battlesuits, including my personal one, piloted thru by Hobbes herself. Once they were all through, I let the Gate close, then sat down on the ground, about to pass out. Hobbes cracked open my suit and ran over to me. "You okay, G?" Nodding, I let her help me up into the trailer of the main C&C truck, where I immediately grabbed a cot. "Brief the troops via encrypted comlink. I want all the trucks in the convoy to stay in constant contact with each other. I.." my voice trailed off as another wave of fatigue hit me like a brick wall. Hobbes laid a hand on my chest and smiled down at me. "Rest, Warrior Galand..I'll take care of everything." I nodded, and let myself drift off to sleep. ...The last thing I heard before sleep took me was the sound of 20 semis starting in unison, and Hobbes saying over the comlink, "Okay..let's ROLL OUT!" To Be Continued... Copyright Stephen D. Scott, Feb. 1996. Centurion A.G. Cerberus, Commander-in-Chief of W.E.D.J.E.E. "Better Living thru Advanced Weaponry!" (tm) +------------------------------------------------------------------+ Centurion Ashur Galand Cerberus of the Doberman Empire "Everybody's favorite not-quite-omnipotent demihuman superbeing!!" +------------------------------------------------------------------+ Deacon Sully of the Church of Blarney. Fighting for the Jihad and the Goddess against the Purple Death! Residing with the Kindred Children in the House of Eternal Night! Prof. Clayton Forrester, Director of Dirty Tricks, Evil Geniuses For a Better Tomorrow. +------------------------------------------------------------------+ email: steve_scott@mail.utexas.edu WWW: http://ccwf.cc.utexas.edu/~sscott/index.html +------------------------------------------------------------------+ "Back off man...I'm a scientist." ---Ghostbusters +------------------------------------------------------------------+ "Declare Peace once in a while...it confuses the hell out of your enemies!" --Ferengi Rules of Acquisition +------------------------------------------------------------------+