Operation Phoenix: Harried at Heathrow This is DEFINITELY not good, thought Prince Iscarius. First, I fall out of the sky and nearly break a shoulder falling thru the roof at the House, then there's word of a worldwide invasion... and British Airways just called saying my plane had been delayed due to poor weather conditions. And the only good souvenier I got Windigo was a "My mate went to Milton Keynes and all he got me was this sneckin' t-shirt" shirt. At least it had a big picture of the Great Holy Albino on it. How could life get any worse mused the Daemon Prince (who was currently in his "human" form) as he strode towards the terminal. Suddenly, Sheridan looked up from his musings, having heard an old, yet unforgettable sound. Mortar fire, 150 meters. Better duck. Sheridan allowed his 10,000 years of training to take over as he lept over a luggage carrier and rolled into the terminal, drawing his light duty gun, a Desert Eagle .50AEP, he prepared for another shell to fall. Oddly, the only thing that arrived were a squad of airport security who were preparing to arrest him. Sheridan did the only thing he could do... he pulled out his License-To-Carry-A-Big-Ass-Gun-Anywhere-I-Please-So-PBBBBBBBBBBT! card [tm], dusted himself off, and walked towards Gate 13F. Halfway to the gate, disaster struck. Hare Krishna's. Lots of 'em. Oh sneck thought Sheridan as his heart sank, I really HATE Heathrow. No wandering orange robed, flower giving holy... WAITAMINUTE. Their robes... they're PURPLE. And the chant... He could hear it now as they advanced towards him. Hare Barney, Hare Barney, Barney Barney, Hare Hare... Oh sneck thought Sheridan as his heart sank even deeper. I really, REALLY hate Heathrow. Sheridan looked about him for a good ambush point/retreat path. Phone booths? No. Metal detector hallway? Maybe. Bar? Boy, I could use a good stiff drink right now. Restrooms? Maybe after I hit the bar. But there was no time left. The Hare Barney's were already upon him. "Oh kind, gentle and most STUUUPENDOUSLY luvable sir, would you like a pretty purple flower as a personal gift from our most WONDERFUL Lord B'harne?" the pseudo-Hindu asked (no offense to any Hindu's, honest), while holding out a Mauve-ish plastic flower, attached to a large black ball with "BOMB" written on the side in big white letters... and why was there a wick in the flower and why was it lit? After thinking for a tenth of a second, a most humourous way out came to Sheridan. He picked out the spongie with the "flower", grabbed ahold of him, and pulled him towards the restroom. "Oh great and most Holy servant of Lord B'harne, I must speak with you in private concerning my MANY sins against thine Lord." Sheridan tried his hardest to keep a straight face while dragging him in to the restroom. The Hare Barney nodded to his comrades, confident that the bomb could take out the so-called Daemon Prince. Besides, this would increase his standing SOOOOOO much if he could eliminate this threat to his lord before B'harne's new chosen ones could get to him. After the door closed behind them, Sheridan grabbed the Purple Robed Sponge by the back of his head and slammed him, face first, into the door on one of the toilet stalls, leaving a lovely Sponge shaped imprint in the door. Sheridan then opened the door, and looked at the panic-stricken man inside who was caught with his pants down, so to say. "Get up please, this is a medical emergency." "Oh, I say there young chap, I'm rrrrrright in the middle of a crrrrap." "Doesn't matter, sir. This man is in dire condition and REALLY needs your toilet. And don't worry, I'll flush it for you, sir." The man hastily pulled up his pants and went into the next stall, wondering why that rather rude young man didn't use this one... Sheridan grabbed the unconscious Spongie, put his face in the rather full toilet, and the bomb under his purple robe (eeeewwwwwwwwww!). Sheridan then found an air conditioning duct, pulled the grating off, crawled inside, and waited for the fireworks to begin. Outside, the other spongies began a little (poorly choreographed) happy dance when they heard the explosion. In fact, they were so jubilant that they didn't even notice Sheridan walk out the restroom, wave them goodbye, and toss a quarter pound of C-4 (shaped like a certain Hellwyrm) into their midst. Sheridan was waiting at the gate when he heard the explosion. Apparently the Hare Barneys had just noticed his little going away present, complete with time-delayed vibration sensitive detonator. Sheridan boarded the Concorde jet, settled into his 1st class seat, had a glass of champagne and (amazingly enough) relaxed. "This is your captain speaking. We are at 10,000 meters, and the no smoking sign has just been turned off. We might experience some turbulance, so please remain seated for now, thank you." Turbulance. I could live with turbulance, thought Sheridan. And suddenly the supersonic jet liner shook quite violently and pitched nose first towards the North Atlantic 10,000 meters below. "Everyone remain calm, we are experiencing minor turbulance. HOLY SHIT!! THAT'S THE BLOODY ATLANTIC!!!!" the captain screamed, realizing that if this was turbulance, then I'm a clawed albino (nyar!). Sheridan stood up, drew his light duty gun, and went back to the coach section. Did I forget to mention there was a gaping hole in the side of the plane that had ripped right through the coach section? Oh, terribly sorry. Sheridan immediately regretted coming here. There wasn't much he could do right now, seeing as to how the plane was depressurizing and most of the passengers were well on their way to a new career as shark chow. He carefully walked towards the hole, hoping to see what the sneck had just happened. Hmmm, looks like the fuselage had been cut open from the outside, he mumbled as he examined the hole, oblivious to the clawed hand reaching around from outside. Sheridan looked up just in time to see a black, reptilian claw grab him by the hair and fling him out of the plane. This afforded him enough time to grab the claw and hang on to avoid an ignominious demise as a shark treat. The "lizard", a black 5' tall allosaur looking creature with fully developed forearms, reached down and pushed a boutton on it's... boots? Instantly, Both lizard and Daemon fell from the plane, as the "thing" had just turned off the power to it's electro-magnetic boots. Sheridan quickly shifted to true form, its casing of mere flesh tearing asunder as the 10' tall bat winged body emerged. Sheridan spread his wings, drew Icingdeth and Cinlach, and proceeded to fly back up to where the plane had been before it went down. Oh well, time to contin-oh no, not again the Daemon Prince thought as he heard the sound of fusion turbines come closer. There was no Jihaddi recon or transport flight scheduled to fly across this part of the Atlantic for days, so this was almost certainly a hostile flight. The fighters roared closer, as the "lizard" still struggled to break loose from Sheridan's Jihaddium grip (calling iot a mere iron grip would be an insult). The fighters open fired as Sheridan made a powerful upward flap, causing him to shoot upward, while, just a second later he dropped the lizard, timed just right to fall into one of the center fighter's top-mounted intakes, causing the engine to stall and the fighter to drop like a rock into the ocean. The other two fighters wheeled around and fired a salvo of missiles at the hovering Daemon. Since Icingdeth effectively masked any heat signature he might have had and his armor likewise baffled any of their radar trackers, Sheridan rather easily dodge the missiles and flew close enough to the left jet to drive Cinlach through the right wing, destroying much of the wings avionics gear, and ruining the areodynamic qualities of the wing, whilst leaving hardly a scratch upon the black steel of Sheridan's sword of demon slaying (well, Cinlach does a very good job of slaying demons, thank you vey much. May not be the B'harne Slayer, but it's good enough :) The third fighter, piloted by a lizard who apparently enjoyed playing chicken as an adolesent, zoomed straight towards Sheridan at Mach 3. Sheridan had just enough to sheath his swords when the fighter's cockpit rammed him, sending him into the pilot's seat, and turning the pilot into pate. Sheridan turned around, thankful that he was physically immune to high speed, mid-air collisions with fighter craft, and looked at the instruments, and realized he had no SNECKING clue how to read them. Sheridan thought back to the old days, back when the Imprerium's finest bio-technicians were turning him from a hive world deliquent into a true World Eater. And he remembered some of the extra, enhancements, they made to make him one of the most powerful soldiers in the galaxy. He remembered the Omophagea implant the doctors had had implanted in his spinal column, and what it did. He looked behind him, scooped up a little brain material, and ate it... and allowed the being's memories to be read like a book. He skipped the boring like what they were, where they came from, etc. and went straight for the language knowledge. After a few minutes, Sheridan had corrected the fighter's flight path, and set the autopilot for a course direct to Louisville, Ky. --To Be Continued ================================================================================ Sheridan Iscarius, Daemon Prince in the service of Lord Khorne Shardik The Feral (NYAR!) of the Cursed Earth Division of the Maenads of the Holy Albino St. Moire Erasmus, Patron Saint of The Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion Major General Sheridan, N.O.R.A.D. Standard Military Units, Legion Of Doom Trooper Poseiden of the Doberman Empire, Section Chief of Weapons Tech/WEDJEE Residing with the Kindred Children in the House of Eternal Night ================================================================================ "Don't waste your nutritional potential. Sacrifice your corpse to GWAR." --Beefcake The Mighty ================================================================================ UP THE IRONS And remember... Jesus loves you, Cthulhu thinks you need A-1 Sauce ================================================================================