The Marraketh Connection: "They Shoot Spongin, Don't They?" By Technician Brynhild, VRDET R&D Segment 11 of ? o/~ I've been around / The world and found / That only stupid people are breeding o/~ - Harvey Danger, "Flagpole Sitta" We had come to the most important part of our rescue plan. If things here didn't go off without a hitch, then it was over; the Wyrmie in charge would find us and proceed with the executions (or spongification). If they did work, then we would have done more than save Katze - theoretically, at least, we could break B'harne's hold on an entire country! *OK, cut the annoying heroic thoughts. Nexx started talking again.* I began listening to what she was saying: "... and you three, and you..." She was dividing us up into groups of three for castle-storming purposes. By the time she had finished, I had ended up with Maru and an imposing-looking human that I couldn't quite recognize. I looked at him sheepishly. "Hi. I have such an awful memory, I've completely forgotten your name..." He shrugged. "No matter. It's Selvane Vladiva. And you?" "Brynhild. Don't mind the height thing... it's a long story that you missed. Maru, help him out here ... never mind, Nexx has more commands now." Nexx began again. "OK, your goal is to get to the main courtyard of the castle. There are tons of hallways, so no two groups should have to take the same route. From there, we should be able to figure out where to find Katze. Be careful... there'll be guards in the hallways and a minor army in the courtyard. No worries, right? Right. Get going." All the groups exited simultaneously, each one taking a different hallway. We ended up taking a rather uneventful one, without much of note. The going was slow and quiet, for the most part. After we'd navigated a decent length of hallway, we stopped. There were sounds in the next stretch of hallway... what sounded like guards talking. I tried to make out their conversation. "" one said in a deep voice. "" "" chimed another one in a higher tone. "" "" replied Deep Voice. "" There was a new voice, somewhere between the two tones. "" "" said Deep Voice. "" Maru looked at me. "Guards? What're they talking about?" "Nothing that matters. I'll go on ahead and try to scare them off, and you two can stay back. Once I come back, they're gone. If I don't... attack." Before they could say anything to the contrary, I snuck further down the hallway. The guards, only three of them, had stopped chattering and were watching the hallway. Since I wasn't taking any precautions to stay out of sight, they caught me rather quickly. *Well, I _did_ volunteer to serve as a diversion... * The largest one picked me up by the scruff of my t-shirt and snarled in a deep voice, "" I smiled and tried to look innocent. "" "" "" Deep Voice looked at his fellow guards. "" [1] *Good, they're confused.* "" I said, and used my position to kick Deep Voice in the stomach. He dropped me with a yelp, which gave me opportunity to sucker-punch the guard across from me. With two guards in pain, and the third standing there yelping nervously as he looked from guard to guard, it was too easy to magically paralyze them and return to my group. Selvane stared down at me. "Well, that sounded exciting, at least. Are we clear to move?" "Exciting? Sheesh, it was just a few trolling guards. And yeah, we're clear to move. Let's go." We walked down the hallway, carefully avoiding the three guards frozen in their places. *Should I free them? Never mind, the spell'll wear off on its own, and by the time it does we'll be well out of here.* The rest of the hallway-crawling, much like the first part, was fairly uneventful. We had to take a few random turns here and there, but it didn't matter much. Selvane seemed to be fairly good at navigating strange places, which helped. Finally, we found ourselves in what had to be the courtyard. The open space was packed with guards, especially towards the back, where a whole squadron guarded a latched door. "Let me guess," Selvane mumbled, "we need to force our way through all these guards and get through that door somehow." I nodded. "Guess we get to make a run for it." Fearing the worst, I began to dig around in my pack until I found my trusty Vibro-Spork. *There, better. Never hurts to have options in case a guard gets out of hand.* As we began to formulate a plan, several things happened. First, to my surprise, Good Music[tm] began blasting the courtyard. *Awright! I don't know what it is, but it works... Second, and even more surprisingly, one of the outer walls exploded, throwing the crowd of guards into an even great state of confusion. *What the hell?! Was this on the plan??* Maru whispered to us under the chaos of music, smoke, and panicked guards. "This is our chance!" We began a bum's rush across the courtyard, trying to avoid guards. For the most part, it worked. A lot of the guards were too distracted to bother with us, and those that did try to stop us were easy enough to shove out of the way - or trip. *Poor suckers! Don't even pay attention to their feet!* All around us, other Jihaddi were fighting through the guards in much the same way. We finally came up on the door to what had to be the castle's main room and regrouped with the rest of the rescue squad. It was no use. The door was still barred, and the elite guard troop snarled at us every time we got close. *Damn! I'm willing to bet none of us have the caliber of weapon to bust that door... oh, well. At least things can't get any worse!* They did get worse. Somewhere, inside the room we were barred out of, the B'harnic War Chant began playing. Some of the more spongified guards cheered - and I grimaced - as the saccharine flowed through the courtyard. "I Luv You... You Luv Me... We're a Happy Famileeee..." ... thankfully, this ended with another explosion. It was a smaller one, but it was enough to stop the music. The guards scattered as the large door they had been guarding began to swing at its hinges. Of course! Someone had shot the door open from the inside! Seizing our opportunity before the guards wised up, we ran through the door and into the main room. The room was smaller and considerably more crowded, since a good number of guards were crammed in (and the smarter ones were beginning to enter). I could hear yelling in Marrakethian from the courtyard; I looked back in time to see Rhye townsfolk flooding in through the hole in the wall. *Of course! The underground!* Despite all this, the main action was on the far side... *Katze! She's alive!* Indeed she was, and she was having a loud argument with a taller man. I couldn't make out what they were saying over the clamor of the guards, though. *Katze comes later. First, the guards!* I pressed the button, and my Vibro- Spork roared to life. *There are times that call for gratuitous violence, and I believe this is one of them.* Indeed it was. I'll spare you the details. Suffice to say I made several guards' lives exceedingly unpleasant. Before the fighting got really heavy, however, I began seeing spots and stars... my vision was blurring, and I felt rather faint. I began looking around wildly for some place to hide and catch my breath, and maybe figure out what was happening. *There! Perfect!* One of the palace menials had left the door to a storage closet ajar. It wasn't very far away, so I made a mad dash through the fighting guards and Rangers until I made it inside. One good kick slammed the door, and I was finally alone for once. The storage closet wasn't very used, since there was plenty of space for me to lean against the wall. Breathing deeply, I tried to take hold of my senses. *OK... this has to have a cause... * I thought. *That's it! The Druids' reversal spell! They said it would take longer to work than this, though... really exquisite timing, guys. Just stellar.* With little else to do, I slumped against the wall and waited for the spell to take effect. It didn't take very long. I opened my eyes once I could feel the wooziness clearing, to a closet which was a lot smaller than I remembered it. I stood up straight... and almost bonked my head on the low ceiling. *Doh!* My hair had returned to basically the same shade of blonde it had been on Earth, and my clothes had readjusted to my height on their own. *Nice touch.* All in all, life seemed to be quickly returning to normal. I smiled, sighed in relief, and began rummaging around in my backpack for my shoes. I emerged from the closet expecting to be ambushed by guards. To my surprise, no one was paying any attention to me at all. *If anyone asks, I never left the battlefield... I'll just mingle and look like I'm supposed to be by the closet.* The entire crowd - Rangers, guards, Rhye resistance-movement soldiers, the occasional menial spongie and visiting noble - were staring at the part of the room where Katze was. She and the tall, thin man I didn't recognize were both in a deep trance. Standing near them were figures I recognized... Mal, nexx, and... Red?! *What in the hell is Red doing up there?! And why didn't I notice he was gone? Scary.* Suddenly, the scene changed for the even more bizarre. The man suddenly exploded, with the crowd gasping at the gory spectacle. *Man, talk about your spontaneous human combustion.* Katze collapsed, with the Jihaddi rushing to catch her. *I gotta go talk to Red,* I realized. *Y'know, make sure there's no loose ends.* I nearly laughed at my own excuses. 'Loose ends'? Yeah, right. I was going up there to make sure he was OK. Strange as it was, and strange as *he* was, Red mattered to me. He'd gotten under my skin through our many varied and twisted adventures in Marraketh. Whatever the reason, I crept through the crowd, keeping close to the wall. By the time I got up to the area with Katze, Nexx had almost managed to revive her. "... get up off the floor," Nexx said to Katze, giving me a chance to get in the conversation. "Where the heck did you go, Red?" I asked, without all that much sarcasm in my voice. *My voice lowered back to normal, thank God.* Looking a bit startled, he wheeled around and saw me. "Oh! Bryn, it's you! You look ... uh, taller." "Thanks. So, where were you?" "Hmm? Oh, yeah, I went to find Kat." "And?" "Well, I found her." Mal interrupted, "Yeah, after you got yourself captured." I snickered. "Captured? Smooth move, Mr. Ace Paladin. And to think I though you just deserted me again." "*Deserted* you? Come *on*! After my daring rescue..." "Yeah, you and the entire Dewpoint standing army. Never mind... we can continue this line of thought in the commissary." "You mean..." "Yeah, at HQ. We *are* going back someday, aren't we?" I said. The sarcasm had come back in full force. Out in the crowd, a small and unplaceable force summed up my entire opinion on Marraketh: "Can we go home now?"