Path: geraldo.cc.utexas.edu!cs.utexas.edu!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net !Sprint!feed2.news.erols.com!erols!howland.erols.net!newsxfer.itd.umich.edu!news relay.iastate.edu!news.iastate.edu!alexbell From: alexbell@iastate.edu (Alex Hibbs) Newsgroups: alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die Subject: Operation Home Front: Up North Date: 3 Apr 1998 09:55:28 GMT Organization: Iowa State University, Ames, Iowa, USA Lines: 289 Message-ID: <6g2bmh$ikn$1@news.iastate.edu> NNTP-Posting-Host: isua1.iastate.edu X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.1 (NOV) Xref: geraldo.cc.utexas.edu alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die:70084 Operation Home Front: Up North Author: Warrior Aphrodite Persephone, Doberman Empire. *--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--* [Just outside of Ely, MN - in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area] [for those of you who don't know, that's in the far Northeastern parts of the state] Tommy sat, happy as always, outside the old, abandoned mine shaft and lovingly stroked the head of his well-worn B'harnii plush. He started to hum quietly to himself and wondered if any visitors would come by today. He couldn't let them go inside, of course, but he always liked to make new friends. "You know it's kinda funny," he thought to himself, "there are all these nice people around - in town and stuff - but they never come over to play or anything. I wonder why they don't like me? B'harnii likes me..." About a hundred yards away, four people rounded the bend and came into view of the cabin. Tommy, lost in his thoughts about the Purple Fiend[tm] - his own personal hero - failed to notice them until they were only a few feet away. "Hi there!" he exclaimed, happy to have visitors. Remembering what he was supposed to say, he quickly continued. "Um... I mean, Halt! Who goes there?" A big, burly, blonde man stepped forward, "I am Ole'. He ees Sven." His companion nodded eagerly, repeating in the same heavy, Sweedish accent, "Ya, I am Ole'. He ees Sven." The first man roughly cuffed the second on the back of the head. "You doof! I am Ole'! You are Sven!" "Ya, I am Ole', you are Sven," the second one repeated again, looking somewhat dazed. His expression was mirrored on Tommy's face as he glanced from one man to the other. "Huh?" he asked, clutching his B'harnii doll tightly to his chest. A large, fleshy woman pushed her way to the front. "Enuffa!" she exclaimed, "I be Olga. Zees ees Ole' and zees be Sven. Ve moosta feeks ze macheen. Yoo letta oos inna?" "No-ah, I mean no," The slightly confused Sponge minion replied. "I can't let anybody in." "Ah, but yoo-ah moosta let ze Olga een. Ze Olga eest yer freend, no?" "Ja, I mean... mebbe." "But yoo no letta ze Olga een?" "No - B'harnii's friends told me not to let anyone in, especially meanie Jihaddi." Olga looked aghast. "Vat, leetle 'ole Olga? Doos zees look like ze face of ze monster?" She stuck her face into the poor minion's and grinned - displaying two rows of perfectly rotting teeth. He blanched, shying away from her grotesque visage. "No... you don't look all that much like a monster." "Ah... Olga knows." "What?" Tommy replied, confused again. "Olga knows ee-sacktly vat yoo need. Yoo need ze lovin' like ze lovin' ze Olga geeves ze Ivan." With those words, she swooped down on the hapless minion. Then, ignoring his protests, she brutally smashed his head into her ample bosom and hugged him with all her might. *CRACK!* "Oopsies," Olga commented before letting the now limp body of the Sponge Minion fall to the ground. She turned to face her companions, a sheepish expression on her face. "Oh wellsies..." The fourth member of the party, a petite, young woman, stepped forward, smiling widely. "Don't sweat it Olga - think of it as one less Spongin' in the world." "Ja, zee Persephone issa right. Does zee need ze Olga more? Or canni go find me Ivan?" "Thanks for helping us out - go ahead and go home, and don't forget to give Ivan a smooch for me..." an evil twinkle danced in the Warrior's eyes. "Itta vas a nothink, yoo ees a good friend to zee Olga. Laters den." Persephone watched with a smile as Olga brought her hands together, before vanishing - back to the Dobe HQ. Shaking her head, she muttered to Zaph, *I'd hate to be Ivan, right about now...* The dragon chuckles. *Me too...* "C'mon, guys," Pers turned back toward her two remaining companions and nodded towards the shaft's entrance, "lets get movin'." As her companions passed by and started into the mine, the Warrior paused to glance down at the limp body on the ground. *What a waste,* she commented morosely to the dragon. Zaphyre sighed for once agreeing totally with her human Companion[tm]. *A waste of both mind and life.* She glared down at the plush still lying in the minion's arms. "Damn Brain-sucker!" A small burst of flame exploded from her mouth and soon reduced the B'harnii idol to ashes. Persephone glanced around once more before hurrying to catch up with her friends. *---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---* The three of them: Persephone, Brackard, and Ryeser quietly followed the old tunnel deeper into the Earth. Like a corkscrew, it spiraled slowly around the mine shaft itself. The tunnel's walls were bare, rough hewn from the surrounding Earth. The air filling it was damp and rank of stagnance as the trio of Dobermensch made their way further underground. The light faded to darkness; they slowed to a crawl, growing more and more nervous as they wondered what surprises awaited them at the bottom. [MEANWHILE] In a small encampment only a few miles away, a short, frightened man rushed into a nagenta colored tent. "Kelly, Kelly!" he yelled, clutching his B'harnii to his chest like a four-year-old. Kelly glanced up from her lunch, obviously annoyed. "Jeffy, this is the fifth time you've bugged me this morning - and you've only been up for an hour! What is it?!" "Tommy's Plushie Alarm[tm] went off," the Spongie sobbed, "and he won't answer!" Kelly sat up in her chair, mind working frantically. Outwardly calm, she faced the Sponge Minion and spoke very slowly. "Now Jeffy, it is very important that you remember this correctly. What color was the alarm?" "Purple." Kelly felt all the color rush from her face. When she spoke again, her voice was little more than a hoarse croak. "Are you sure?" "Of course, I am," Jeffy replied proudly, "my friend, B'harnii, taught me colors - and that is the bestest. It's the color of my friend, B'harnii. Did you know that, Kelly?" The whole camp echoed with the Wyrm Minion's response. "Oh Shi-i-i-it!!" *---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---*---* [back in the tunnels] The Dobermensch continued to descend through the spiraling tunnel. They had been walking for almost two hours and felt the strain with every inch. The darkness which had engulfed them about thirty minutes ago added to their frustration, forcing them to feel their way along the clammy walls - a decidedly unpleasant sensation. Just then, Persephone's hand landed on a very cold, very slimy glob. She shuddered in disgust and shook the goop off before continuing. For Zaphyre, however, this was the last straw. *Human!!* the dragon growled mentally, *we are leaving now!* Pers snorted, *And how shall we do that? Go through the rock?* *I don't care how we do it - we are leaving - if I wanted to be encased in a tomb of stone, I'd go visit the dead.* *Well, my claustrophobic friend, until you think of a way out for the three of us, we might as well continue.* *No!* Persephone's body suddenly stopped moving, as the two minds inside struggled for control. *Zaph! You promised you wouldn't...* The Warrior's reasoning was interrupted by the panicked yelp of one of her companions. The human and dragon stopped bickering and scanned the area for the reason of his fear. "Brackard!? Ryeser!?" she exclaimed after finding nothing. "What is it?" "The eyes..." one of them responded, his voice shaky. "Can't you see them?" "Eyes?" Persephone asked, "Have you two lost your mids? It's pitch black - how, in Grimace's[tm] name, can you see anything in here, let alone eyes?" She felt herself growing more annoyed by the second. *Heck,* she thought, *with these two and Zaph - who needs Spongies.* *Hey, I heard that!* the dragon replied, a bit irate. *So? It's true!* *Is not!* "Hey Pers...?" Brackard said in a low voice, "the eyes are back again..." "What? Where?" the Dobe Warrior exclaimed, snapping her head back and forth, searching for a glimpse of the mysterious eyes. "Right there - no - there - no ... " Brackard replied, as the glowing orbs started to flash on and off. "They're red - almost like tiny flames - or the end of a laser! Can't you see them?" Pers paused, "they're red?" "Yeah," Brackard replied "and there they are again!" Meanwhile, Ryeser had decided to take things into his own hands. During that last exchange, he had slowly crept toward the red eyes, and now, seeing them pause, pounced. Persephone winced as her back connected roughly with the ground. *Oof.* "Ryeser?" she asked in a not-so-calm voice. "Yes, sir?" he responded, realizing as he did so that her voice had come from below him. "Oh shit." "Get your hairy butt off me, while you still have it." "Yes, sir, right away sir!" he replied and quickly leapt to his feet. "If you don't mind my asking, sir, why didn't you tell us if it was you." "Don't you think I would've if I had realized... oh, nevermind. Let's just work on our communication skills - shall we?" Wincing, she struggled to her feet, commenting to Zaph, "Ya know... with friends like that....* *Yeah, I know.* "Let's move out - we have an Element[tm] to find." They continued on into the darkness. [a few hours later] "Hey, Pers," Brackard commented, "I think it's getting lighter - I can see you again." The Warrior turned around and was able to make out the sillouettes of the two men following her. "Ya know, Brackard? I think you're right." *I knew there was a reason I brought him along, Zaph - to point out the obvious* The dragon snorted in response. *You're just getting irritated because we've found nada and because you'd rather be spending your time with a certain TRES techie.* *He's not a tech...* she started before catching herself. *Aren't you getting irritated?* *Nope.* *And why is that, oh wise one?* *Because I know something you don't* *And what's that?* The group rounded a final bend in the maze of tunnels as Zaph spoke, *That we've found it.* In the middle of a small cavern sat the Array Element[tm]. The two men stopped suddenly, speechless. Whatever they had been expecting, it wasn't the small device sitting on the floor. "That's it?" Brackard found his voice first. "It looks so harmless." Meanwhile, Persephone had moved foreward and was scanning the room for possible exits. *Up there,* the dragon pointed to a hole in the cavern's ceiling. *This must've been one of the main mine shafts at one time. We can leave through there - with the Element[tm].* *Good plan - now let's check this sucker out.* Answering Brackard in a low voice, the Warrior slowly approached the device. "Yeah, that's it. The first question is has it been activated yet? Are we too late?" "I don't think so - at least I don't feel any different," he replied. "How about you, Ryeser?" "I'm the same old grouch as always, sir." "Hmmm..." she paced around the Element[tm] eyeing it closely. As far as she could tell, it was the same as the one she and Will had tinkered with in Kansas. "Now if I only knew how to move the sucker safely..." she muttered to herself. "Why not use this crate?" Ryeser asked, pointing to a crate in the corner of the room. He went over to have a closer look and noticed a piece of paper stuck in the bottom. "What's this?" he muttered, "looks like a shipping order." He tucked the note into his pocket and started to slide the crate across the floor. "Let's load it up and get the heck out of here." "I don't think you'll be going anywhere." The three Dobermensch whirled to face the strange voice. Acting on instinct, Persephone shifted into the dragon's form. A young, lithe woman stood in the entrance to the tunnels - at the front of what appeared to be a large army of Sponge Minions. Zaphyre was the only one who responded. "I think you're mistaken. Men, it's time to fly - now!" She roared, causing Brackard and Ryeser to jump onto her back. The dragon leapt into the air, using her talons to climb the mine shaft's dirt walls. Not sure how to react to the sudden change in plans, the Sponge Minions gathered in the cavern below. They simply stood there, clutching their B'harnii plushies to their chests and hoping the big, mean Jihaddi/monster would go away. The Wyrm Minion - who had led the army inside, tried vainly to get them to react, to shoot at the creature or something. Seeing it reach the top of the shaft, she glanced around and took off running into the tunnels. Meeting little resistance, Zaph easily reached the top. She boosted herself out of the shaft and glanced around, surprised that it just seemed to be out in the open. *It looks like all the supporting equipment and stuff is gone. Heck, anybody could come along and fall into it.* *'Tis dangerous to say the least* the dragon responded, thinking. Spying a couple of large boulders, Zaph placed the two men gently on the ground and had them move away from the opening. Lifting the smaller of the two, she tossed it gently into the middle of the shaft. Seconds later, a small explosion was heard - followed by the sounds of Minions screaming. The dragon smiled to herself. *No more Element[tm}...* She then hefted the other, larger boulder and placed it securely over the hole in the ground. *... and no more hole.* Finished, she collapsed on the ground next to the others, hoping to rest some before flying home. "Hey Pers? or Zaph?" Ryeser spoke hesitantly, unused to dealing with this side of his commander. "I think you need to see this." He carefully handed her the paper he had found down below. "It's a shipping order..." Persephone somehow muttered through Zaph's throat, ignoring the men's shocked looks. "Hmmm... "Delivery number E3-tyu340 NNT#14306 MN... now why does that look familiar?" Zaph broke in, "it's the same NNT number as the one in Kansas..." "Oh, Grimace help us - you're right," Pers responded. She read further. "Recipient: DSBase 465, MOA - Bloomington, MN. There's some kind of scrawled signature and then it continues. Recipient: Kelly Brown, WM, Ely, MN. Hmmm... I think we'd better check this out. Think MOA could be the Mall?" "It's a definite possibility. I guess this means we won't be going home?" "Zaph, you mean back to the base? I'm afraid not." *And I was so looking forward to another one of those bubble baths...* The dragon sighed softly and motioned to the men to climb on again. They slowly got to their feet and, shooting each other concerned looks, climbed onto the dragon's back. As she took off into the sky, they whispered back and forth - unnerved by their commander's schizophrenic-like behavior. The dragon just smiled as she headed South - towards home. To Be Continued...